"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."


It's a relapse....

CT scan results showed no sign of infection in lung but nodes were still enlarged. Biopsy is scheduled for next Wednesday to stage and confirm HD, then treatment will start as early as Friday. I am hoping to take part in a clinical trial chemo combo called VICE, then do the auto sct. Standard treatment is ICE + auto sct. I knew this was going on back in April, I just didn't want to address it. Gotta love your intuition. Since the chemo will make ALL my hair fall out, I am going to beat it to the punch and shave it next week. Good news was my bone marrow biopsy was clean and all my other areas were clean as well. Just those little pesky nodes around my lung. I forgot to add that my wheezing is caused by the nodes swelling around my upper left lobe and it's partially collapsed...go figure!

I told the kids earlier this evening. I didn't want to scare them when I came home with no hair! Of course, no one understood the reality of it except Olivia. It broke my heart seeing her crying and admitting to being scared for me. Surprisingly, I was strong for her and really believed it when I told her I would be ok. While falling asleep, Olivia whispers to me "Mommy, you will still be beautiful even if you are bald." How sweet was that???? I love her.

It's going to move pretty fast and I am wanting to post my journey on this blog. By writing this out, it really helps me from keeping it all inside. I plan on posting pics too of baldy here. That should be interesting. :)

I appreciate all the prayers and positive thoughts. I really do. They give me the strength I need to keep focused and determined to kick cancer's ass!!!



Veronica said...


It breaks my heart that ANY mother would have the task of telling thier children that they are sick. You just amaze me, and I really know in my heart of hearts you are gonna come out of this stronger than before, if that's possible. We all love you and hate that this piece of shit cancer has struck such a wonderful person. I want you to know that I am here for anything...if you need a break from the kids ..I'm there. If you need an ear...I'm here. Please take advantage of me, I really mean it. Like all the others I'm praying for you! Love you, Veronica

Melinda said...


Remember our fantastic sophmore year? And I was constantly sick, and you couldn't stand it, so we came up "sunshine, flowers, rainbows" to get you over it. Anytime you get scared, especially about a disease you HATE, say that and know in my heart I'll be saying it too. And as always, I will be here for you, no matter what, just as you always have been for me. "You just call up my name and you know wherever I am...."

I love you sweetie!
Love, Mel