Ok, so my hair is now officially falling out. Or what is left of it, I should say. A simple pass of the scalp and my palm has these tiny pieces of hair on it. Don't ask about my pillows. As much as I tried to prepare myself for this, I am still sad to see it go. I was surprised and a little glad when it began to grow back. I foolishly thought maybe I wouldn't lose my hair. Even though they are just half inch pieces of what's left of my hair, it's still depressing to see it come out. I was getting used to my peach fuzz. I don't know if I'm ready for complete baldness. It's just a reminder that even though I feel pretty good today, there are chemicals ravaging my body.
Another sign that I am weaker, I'm bruising easier than I ever have been before. A sign that my plateletts are low. I have to really be careful, as I tend to bump into things without thinking. I don't want to have bruises all over me!
3 days to go until treatment #2. I am just so ready to get it over with. I battle daily with keeping up my spirits. It's so easy to just let this take over you, but I refuse to do that. I catch myself starting to ask why me and almost immediately I have to stop myself. I don't want to be that person, go down that road. Most days are easy, but it's days like these when my hair is falling out that it gets hard. I know this has to happen before I can get better, but it still hurts me spiritually. I can't imagine how I'm going to react when I lose my eyebrows and eyelashes. It's not about the hair, but rather the fact that it's a sign of my sickness and lack of control I have over this.
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."