Hair, hair, go away...please come again some other day!

Ok, so my hair is now officially falling out. Or what is left of it, I should say. A simple pass of the scalp and my palm has these tiny pieces of hair on it. Don't ask about my pillows. As much as I tried to prepare myself for this, I am still sad to see it go. I was surprised and a little glad when it began to grow back. I foolishly thought maybe I wouldn't lose my hair. Even though they are just half inch pieces of what's left of my hair, it's still depressing to see it come out. I was getting used to my peach fuzz. I don't know if I'm ready for complete baldness. It's just a reminder that even though I feel pretty good today, there are chemicals ravaging my body.

Another sign that I am weaker, I'm bruising easier than I ever have been before. A sign that my plateletts are low. I have to really be careful, as I tend to bump into things without thinking. I don't want to have bruises all over me!

3 days to go until treatment #2. I am just so ready to get it over with. I battle daily with keeping up my spirits. It's so easy to just let this take over you, but I refuse to do that. I catch myself starting to ask why me and almost immediately I have to stop myself. I don't want to be that person, go down that road. Most days are easy, but it's days like these when my hair is falling out that it gets hard. I know this has to happen before I can get better, but it still hurts me spiritually. I can't imagine how I'm going to react when I lose my eyebrows and eyelashes. It's not about the hair, but rather the fact that it's a sign of my sickness and lack of control I have over this.

--B