"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

11.06.2007

Day +7 and I'm still here...

a little weak and a little tired, but still here. I think the worst is over. It wasn't pretty. I was sick in all the ways you can think of. I didn't eat or drink anything for about 3 days, my lips were as a dry as the desert and my stomach was my worst enemy. The worst part of the entire process has to be the blood transfusions. I've had three so far, but because my counts are so low I get a fever after each one. The worst was Sunday. I had to have two transfusions and that night I thought I was dying. I had a 103 temp that didn't break until Monday morning. They wanted to give me another transfusion yesterday because my rbc's were 7.9 and the transfusion level is 8.0. I asked to wait since my levels were so close, at least give me a day to recover from the night before as I was up every hour in and out of sleep. Remember those old movies where the character is struggling with a high fever, in and out of sleep/consciousness, saying and dreaming weird stuff?? That's what it was like. I swear I thought I saw God. Maybe I did???

I started drinking again a couple of days ago (haha - that sounds funny!) and my appetite is coming back, slowly. My stomach is still not 100%, the big d has been a problem for nearly a week but at least these past two days I'm not cramping like I had been. Morphine had been my friend just because of the cramping. But then she quickly turned on me. I guess an empty stomach plus all the meds does not make a happy combo. So, I ended that friendship rather quickly. I'd rather suffer than puke. Of course, I was able to take some oral pain meds that helped a bit, but there's nothing like IV Morphine...instant gratification. I had my first bite to eat last night and boy do I regret that! I didn't even eat that much either, a half a yogurt, a few spoonfuls of soup and half a Boost milkshake. Big mistake. Let's just say I didn't sleep at all last night!

Today is another story. Immodium is my new friend these days. My docs suggested staying away from Boost and dairy since they are harder to digest. So, I had some rice with a bit of gravy. My appetite is back and I can taste my favorite foods, but after a few spoonfuls I am so full. How unfair is that? Well, I always thought I should at least lose weight if I had to get cancer. So, here it is. Did I mention how much weight I've lost so far? 20lbs. Of course, I gained like 10 of those pounds just from fluids here in the hospital. But I have a feeling I'm still going to lose even after I go home.

I finally got out and walked the floor! It's the first time in probably a week. My poor body, I could really feel it in my legs. I've been doing the lung exercises to keep my lungs up but my muscles have been ignored.

So, here I am. It was a very rough week and it's already a blur for me, all the days merging into one big fog. I'm just glad it's over with. My counts should start coming up any day now, so that means I might be out of here within the next week!!

--B

4 comments:

Melinda said...

Hello! I am sorry to hear you had such a rough time, does not sound fun AT all. But I am glad to hear from you! I know you are on the upside of things, hang in there- turkey day is near!
Love, Mel

JT said...

Brandy,
I am so glad that Mel sent this link out! I have been thinking of you often. Just remember that it's always darkest before the dawn, so it can go ahead and brighten up anytime. After reading your blogs, I sure can't wait to see the one that says, "I'm going home!" It's only a matter of time. Wishing you the best and praying for you!
Love,
JT

Shay said...

Continued P&PT for you during all this...you are such a trooper!

Rebecca said...

Keep hanging in there, chick! There are so many people praying for you!! I so admire your strangth!