Clever Nonsense

My, how time flies....

2009-03-03T18:36:00.003-06:00

when you're living life and having fun! I can't believe it's been so long since our last update. But here is a short and sweet one.

Life is good.

We rang in the new year at home, with the neighborhood kids singing around our fire. Valerie turned 4, Nicholas just turned 5, Seth is turning 8 next week and I turn 36! Holy cow! Gabe got me my own computer for my birthday, with a sweet 22" screen....yippee!!! We also just got rid of the flu. It seems everyone got it, and boy am I glad to see it gone. It wiped us out, but we're on the road to recovery. Olivia and Seth got glasses, too. Poor kids couldn't see right, so they look even cuter than before in their spectacles. :)

I'll post pics soon. I just wanted to say we are all good, growing and enjoying each day.

Blessings to all.

Much love,
Brandy

~S~N~O~W~!~!

2008-12-10T21:01:00.007-06:00

Yes, you read that right...we just experienced s n o w - holy moly! It's been about 4 years since the last time it snowed here. That was really magical, Christmas Eve and snow in Texas. So here are some pics of us getting back from church and having some fun. Enjoy!!

Can you believe this white stuff is falling down??? Beautiful....

Valerie is super excited, can you tell???

The entire city is giddy over this...LOL!

Seth collecting snow to make a mini-snowball...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Me and Nicholas, who was smart enough to stay in the car!

Seth got his wish, he wished for snow the other day!

Me relishing in the snow!

Real snow here on Adrienne's sweater....

Nicholas admiring the snow from the car!

Olivia loved the snow!

Having some fun in the snow...

Dreaming of snowflakes and snowmen in Texas....

Love,

Here she is!!

2008-11-23T18:28:00.004-06:00

So, I finally picked out my bike and I am so giddy and totally in love with it! I've taken it around the block a few times with the kids, but I can't wait to really take off and log some serious miles on it. :) Yippee!!!

In bike heaven...
B

Life is good...

2008-11-21T22:01:00.010-06:00

Despite all the drama, stress and b.s. at work...Life is good. I caught this on the way into work a few weeks ago.

Here are some Halloween photos, better late than never is a motto I live by. :)

I also am *finally* getting my bike tomorrow! I've decided on the Electra Townie. Don't ask me what color just yet. I've learned that this bike buying process has been a much longer one than I anticiapted. I thought I could just walk in to a bike shop and get the Townie. Nope. And then I found out if I blink, the price jumps up like 20%! I'll post a pic of it when I get it home. Wouldn't you know it though that the day I decide to buy a bike the forecast calls for rain. And we haven't had rain for a few weeks. LOL!

Oh, please continue to pray for my sister. She just had surgery this past Thursday and had a bone graft using someone else's bone. Who knew this was possible? We're hoping she gets out Sunday, but she still has a long road ahead of her. The doctors said maybe within a couple of months she'll be able to stand on it for the first time in 6 months since the accident. Just keep her in your prayers.

I also wanted to add Bekah, Jake, Jessica, Matt, Marsha, and the many, many others out there who continue to battle against the hodge. I think of them every day but wanted to get some worldwide presence for them as well.

Thanksgiving is next week, then Christmas and then another round of birthdays to get through. I love this time of year!

I'll end with a painting Olivia recently did on a piece of cardboard. Just about anything is a canvas to this little artsy girl. :)

Sweet dreams to all,
b

Olivia turns 9 and I get to feel 10 again!

2008-10-26T18:41:00.015-06:00

What a weekend! Olivia celebrated her 9th birthday at the roller rink. Do you know how long it's been since I've been on roller skates?!? I found it ironic the first song to play as I enter the rink was "Micky"! A flash came over me and I was 10 years old skating to this song on the rink! But then I was snapped back to reality when I about wiped out. My mind may been thinking 10, but my body said otherwise. We all had a great time and I am happy to report that I did NOT fall once, although I came close several times! That's even skating with a 7, 4 and 3 year old on my arm (well, not all at once). Not bad for a momma of four. Look out Roller Derby Girls, I just might make a run for it!

This Friday marks 10 years when Gabriel and I met, and tomorrow Olivia turns 9. Just typing that makes me feel old. But I have been blessed with a youthful heart and mind. Not to mention these curls on my head tend to erase some years. Wanna hear something wonderful? I was mistaken to be 25 years old by someone at the hospital and then the checker at a grocery store actually asked if I was old enough to buy beer! You can only imagine how big of a grin I had on my face as I whipped out my ID card.

I've been researching bikes lately and I'm torn between two of them - a Trek Cruiser Wasabi or an Electra Townie. I'm going to one more bike shop this week to touch and feel them again to be sure I'm happy with the one I choose. I'm excited about the purchase, but I didn't know there was so much to a bike! And one that is just for an enjoyment ride, it's not like I'm going to be in the Tour de France or anything. So stayed tuned for my final choice. I should have pictures of it this weekend.

Here's the Trek...

Here's the Townie...

So, here are some pics from the birthday party Saturday. With Olivia's birthday tomorrow, our Halloween anniversary and Trick-or-Treating this Friday, look out for more posts and photos. I might actually blog more than twice this month! gasp!

You knew I had to throw in there a photo of the sky or cloud, right? I saw this on the way home and loved the light coming through the perfrectly formed circle.

Olivia's rockin' birthday cake!

I had to be quick to catch Seth, poor guy was on the floor more than on his wheels! But by the end of the party he had it down!

The kids taking a break from skating to enjoy some pizza.

Nicholas LOVED the skates! He did awesome for a 4.5 year old!

Ok, now we're going to make some cupcakes for Olivia's class tomorrow.

Love to all,

One Year Scans Are CLEAN!!!!!

2008-09-26T21:37:00.004-05:00

I had my regularly scheduled scans, but this time around it marked my 1 year anniversary of getting back into remission for a second time. This was a really special moment, since I hadn't been clean for a whole year since being diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma back in 2006. It's also a time to exhale a bit more. Hitting the one year mark is a special milestone, it means you really might have a chance to beat this thing. Did I think I would be here, still in remission, back in January? No. I did not. I remember telling Gabriel that I didn't think I would make it to Christmas. But a lot has changed between January and today, the most important change would be my relationship with God. That has made all the difference in the world for me. I think had I not been able to embrace the Lord I would be suffering from anxiety, depression and fear. That's not to say I don't feel any of those still, of course I do. But I don't let it control my life like it so easily can when you are staring death in the face. The difference between now and then. I'm not scared to look death right back in the face. My soul is at peace. What a difference a year makes.

We've been having the most beautiful sunsets recently, so you can imagine me with my camera out just about every night. I wish I could carry my DSLR around with me as it takes much better pictures, but it's just too bulky. Which is why I bought a point and shoot for Christmas last year. I can pull this sucker out at a whims notice when I happen to see images like this driving home.

Beautiful.

Last year I was carried through my treatments by wonderful angels around me, friends, family, co-workers. I want to post a special song one of my sorority sisters sent to me called Sheltering Tree. It really sums up my journey through cancer and back again and it's become one of my favorite songs!

Sheltering Tree by Newsong

it's been said a friend is like a mighty sheltering tree
a place of refuge we can run when trouble comes for you and me
someone we can count on through the thick and thin
when the storms of life are blowing, there's
just nothing like a friend (there's just nothing like a friend)

chorus:
we all need sheltering trees
friends in our lives who'll get down on their knees
and lift us up before the king of kings
we all need sheltering trees

there've been days that i was sure that i couldn't make it through
clouds of doubt came rolling in and i didn't know what i would do
i would've given in and said i just can't go on
if it hadn't been for a friend that helped me to be strong
(helped me to be strong)

chorus :
we all need sheltering trees
friends in our lives who'll get down on their knees
and lift us up before the king of kings
we all need sheltering trees

bridge:
you can face the highest mountain and
the climb won't feel so high
or cross the darkest valley and it won't seem so wide
nothing is impossible when a friend is by your side

chorus:
we all need sheltering trees
friends in our lives who'll get down on their knees
and lift us up before the king of kings
we all need sheltering trees

Love to all my sheltering trees,
Brandy

6 days and 12 hours after Ike - We finally have power!

2008-09-21T16:42:00.014-05:00

Hurricane Ike blew in and we haven't been the same since. We lost power early Saturday morning and had been without it until this past Friday night. My mom's house and neighborhood is still without power as I type. The storm wasn't as bad as it could have been. Our 30 year old oak tree is still standing, as is our house! The only damage we incurred was the fence, but that can be easily fixed. Neighboring houses weren't so lucky. There were lots of overturned trees and houses with significant roof damage. Saturday was hot and rainy. Sunday night a cold front blew through, which is exactly what we needed sans AC. But that didn't last long. Luckily, my dad had his power restored the day after the storm, so we slept there at night. The kids have been out of school since the 12th. I was back at work this past Monday, so it was nice to be reconnected to the world after living off the radio for a few days. Here are some photos pre and post Ike. It was an interesting week, the kids actually learned that life can be lived "unplugged". We were lucky, we always found gas without waiting for hours, we always found ice without having to make a mad dash for it and we always had a nice home cooked meal thanks to our old smokey! Gabriel even attempted to wash clothes mid-week. Crunchy clothes makes you grateful for fabric softener! :)

Well, life is getting back to normal. Of course, that's for us on the west side of Houston. Those closer in town and in Galveston still have so much to do and rebuild before life is even close to what is was before Ike. Ike proved to be a stronger storm than it's Category 2 strength. I have so many fond memories of life on Bolivar at a friend's beach house. I still can't imagine that it's just not there anymore. I really will just have memories now to cling to.

Here are the photos from Ike:

On the way home Thursday before the storm, this is the parking lot of a high school football stadium getting filled with coach buses for people needing evacuation help.

Thursday night going home from work, the sky looked gloomy...

Friday night, 8pm and hours before Ike makes landfall, the sky looks beautiful...

What do you do while waiting for a Hurricane to hit? Grab some beers and hang out with the neighbors...

The kids in their shelter room aka the closet under the stairs!

I've never seen them so excited for bed before!

8am Saturday, this is the only damage to my mom's house...Not bad!

Front of mom's house...

Street sign wasn't so lucky...

Trying to get to our house would not be so easy...

Big tree in middle of road = reverse...

You saw this throughout all the neighborhoods...

Gotta love the local bar!

This used to be the awning on the gas station across the street from the Whataburger!

Finally get home and this is the extent of our damage....phew!

We had a little surprise on our porch, a newborn squirrel!

Life without power wasn't so bad....businesses were nice to those without power at home...

Mid-week we were desperate for clean clothes...gotta love Gabriel's ingenuity!

Mom's house already looking good and ready for a new fence!

The kids at my dad's house (one of the few with power most of the time!)

Kung Fu Olivia...

Grandma and Valerie...

Jedi Seth...

Doing some gymnastics in the yard...

Valerie thinks she did a cartwheel...shhh...it's our little secret!

Little Miss V!

What a week! Let's hope we can go another 25 years before a hurricane decides to hit us again...

Love to all,

The calm before the storm...

2008-09-12T13:07:00.002-05:00

So, Hurricane Ike is hours away. We've decided to ride it out. We live fairly west of DT Houston , so we're not in the storm surge area. I clearly remember riding out Hurricane Alicia back in 1983 and the biggest problem was the power outages for two weeks after the storm. We're stocked up with our water, batteries, candles, flashlights, ice and food among the other items we've purchased to help ride this storm out. I do feel for the residents in Galveston. The storm surge sounds like it's going to be a historic one.

So, please keep everyone along the coast in your prayers. We will get through this, but it's going to get ugly for a few days. I'll update as soon as I can. I'm positive we will lose power, I just hope it's not for too long.

Love,
B

Daily observations in the day in the life of a Vargas...

2008-09-04T18:21:00.007-05:00

First Day of School 2008...

I love sleeping baby pictures!

Sunrise out of my office....

Miss Valerie...

What's wrong with this picture??? Way too hot in August!

I know this girl!! Kelly Crabb (on the left) is on this season's The Amazing Race (which I LOVE) as well! Go Kelly!!

And last but not least, the kids' favorite song right now...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liq-2tIRgEM

<3,
b

The end of summer....

2008-08-16T12:14:00.005-05:00

I can't believe summer is just about over. The kids started school a few weeks ago (I started this post the 16th but it is now the 4th of September!). How is it that we have a 3rd and 2nd grader? I remember when I was 9. It seems like just yesterday sometimes. Well, we still have one more year before Nicholas goes off to K. I knew I would cry when we took Olivia to her first school day as a Kindergartner. I was surprised I cried even more with Seth, thinking I had already done this just the year before. No, that didn't seem to matter. It was a moment I wasn't prepared for and Gabriel had to take him into his classroom. Now I know...it doesn't get easier with each child. This is our last year with both little ones at home. Right after Nicky starts K next year, Valerie will be entering K and soon we'll have all four little ones in school. So, I enjoyed this year's First Day of School, because the next two ones will be filled with many, many tears. :)

Seth, the 2nd grader, and Olivia, the 3rd grader, on the first day of school!

So, where has summer gone? Gabriel was busy protesting properties all season, I guess we'll have to start planning pre and post summer vacations because we won't be doing anything during June and July. July was a busy month. Olivia and her Girl Scout Troop went to the Circus as a reward for a successful cookie selling season. Now before you start, it had been YEARS since I've been to the circus. The only thing I remembered was the smell and the elephants. Lo and behold, the circus ain't what it used to be. I know the animal rights groups have had their say, but they really need to go to the circus. The only animals left were the elephants and the tigers. That's it. Where were the bears, the tigers, the monkeys? And not one clown! Oh, we did get a really cute dog show....but dogs at the circus? If I had to describe the circus now, I would say it was a cross between a broadway musical and cirque de soleil. The smell we not so fondly recalled was missing as well. The girls had a good time, and I guess that is all that really matters.

Some pictures from the circus, the Brownie troop and Olivia getting a bright idea!

We roll into August and all hell broke loose. God has been blessing us and watching over us, but we seem to love hospitals this summer. I don't think there's been a year where we've been into so many. My dad had been complaining of his throat tightening when he would work out and his gums hurting him. My dad is in good shape and takes pride in taking care of himself. He also is one to visit the doctor often, making sure to have his check ups completed faithfully every year. So when he went to the doctor they requested an EKG. That came up a bit abnormal. Ok, ENT doc was paranoid but then his cardiologist was a bit more calmer. He had him come back in a week to do a nuclear stress test. After the test, they admitted by dad to the ER and wouldn't let him leave. Seems his main arterty was 90% blocked and another artery was 30% blocked. He had to have an emergency double bypass surgery. The doctors were amazed he hadn't had a heat attack yet, but said it was only a matter of time. And when it hit, it would have been a massive one. They liked to call him lucky, but I call him blessed and that God spared him for a reason. It just wasn't his time to go yet. That same week he was in the hospital, my mom had to go in for scheduled surgery on her liver. She ended up staying there nearly a week. So we stayed with my sister at mom's house since mom is her main caretaker (remember, my sister is still in a wheelchair and will be for the next 6 months, at least). Olivia really came through in helping my sister out during the day as Gabriel was working the boards and I couldn't take time off from work since it was just Liz and I in the office along with a temp. Gabriel's mom was a lifesaver as well, coming in to help with the kids. Needless to say, it was a C-R-A-Z-Y week. But we made it through it and everyone is healing and recovering well.

We did get a chance to take Olivia and her friend, Maggie, to Build A Bear a few weekends ago. It was her reward for making straight A's. They had a really good time and they both got the same dog. They are too cute!

BFF 4 Ever!

It's been a short summer and although I would like to enjoy it a couple of more weeks, I really am looking forward to Fall, it's my favorite season of the year. Birthdays are coming up too. Gabriel's is coming up in a few weeks and then Olivis turns 9 in October!

Bring on those gorgeous fall leaves and lower temps!!

Love,
B

A little piece of heaven...

2008-07-12T13:35:00.004-05:00

What a refreshing moment it was for my soul to meet up with an old friend. Sharon was in town, with her two kiddos, tagging along with Bill on a business trip to Houston. It had been 9 years since we last saw each other. 9 years! A whole lifetime happened within those nine years and yet when we were catching up it felt like it was just yesterday.

We met in college, were sorority sisters and then lived as roommates for a few years after school. She was there when I moved to Illinois after college, and then she was there when I moved back home as she moved down to Texas with me. We've both seen each other at our worst, our best and during my one and only heart break she was there. We went our separate ways right after I met Gabriel and she moved to Oregon to be with Bill. I got married, had children and so did she. We got back in touch a few years ago and she was there for me again when I was undergoing treatment for lymphoma. So you can imagine how good it was to hug my dear friend and see her beautiful children. She's just as beautiful as ever and is a wonderful mother of two. Surprising since she never wanted children in college and was very vocal about it. :) She's an amazing mom to beautiful Sophia and Jake. And the kids all loved each other's company and got along with one another as if they had know each other all their short lives. We really needed more than the half day we were allowed. How do you catch up on nine years in 5 hours???? But it was a wonderful visit and it just reconfirmed that no matter how long time passes, those close to your heart will always stay there.

Here are some pics of the kids (can you believe these are OURS?!) and one of the two of us that Olivia took. :)

Thank you Sharon for visiting us. I love you and miss you and can't wait to see you and the family again. I promise not to let 9 years pass this time! LOL!

Love,
B

Here's Jake...he is adorable!

Here's Valerie and Jake after meeting for the first time...she's shy...

Here's Olivia and Sophia, she's sharp and so funny for a 3yo!

Ok, so we wanted to get a picture of all the kids on the sofa....here's Seth and Jake while we wrangle everyone up....

Everyone getting into place...almost there...

Ok, all are in place....ummm, Nicholas over here.....

Ok, photo shoot over....LOL!

Still looking good after all these years, babies, chemo and more!

VBS was a hit this year!

2008-07-12T13:17:00.006-05:00

The kids went to their first vacation bible school at our church. A good friend was able to pick up Olivia and Seth for the entire week. They topped it off with a special program that Sunday. Here are some pics from service.

Love,
B

My Own Independence Day Celebration...

2008-07-05T22:44:00.016-05:00

This Independence Day was a very special one for me. Not only were we celebrating the freedom we have on a daily basis living in the USA, but I was also celebrating a more personal freedom. I am still cancer free!!! I had my regular lymphoma screening on June 24th. On the 26th I met with Dr. Fanale and got the news that I am still dancing with NED! (N0 Evidence of Disease) I am healthy and that much closer to my one year mark of being in remission come September 14th. Thank you, Lord. I go back on September 24th and if all is clear then, we'll start re-immunizing my body. I've got to start all over just like a newborn. After that, I hope to start scanning every 6 months vs every 3. It's so hard living your life in three month chunks, and then waiting in that sterile doctor's office to hear if you can continue on with life as 'normal', or if your life will once again be distrupted and you're facing a life or death situation.

So, this 4th of July was even more meaningful and boy did we celebrate! Since we had family all over town, we went house hopping. We started by walking in our neighborhood's annual parade. The kids rode their bikes and we walked. Nothing like a 2 mile walk at 9am! We then headed to my moms, had some yummy bbq and pasta salad, then went over to the Vargas' side. That was a blast, we didn't realize so many Vargas' were in Houston and I loved meeting new family. Then we headed back to dads and played a little bit of poker (won a whopping $2) and finished the night off with an apple martini and fireworks! Poor Valerie, she still despises fireworks. That's my baby. lol

Here are some photos of family and friends celebrating Independance Day...Hope yours was just as relaxing and fun.

Getting ready to start the neighborhood parade. Seth was riding with his boy scout troop and the rest of the kids rode their bikes, well except for Valerie who had the best seat in town!

Isn't she cute?

Finishing up the parade with juice and ice cream!

The Vargas Kids...

The Vargas Clan...

Aunt Diana and Valerie

Valerie and Great-Grandma Mary

Enjoying the fireworks....Happy 4th of July!!!

Well, almost everyone...

We blinked...

2008-06-07T12:03:00.016-05:00

Did you miss seeing these cute kiddos???

Somehow, someone pushed fast forward on our life right as May began and now we're back at play and I'm trying to catch up and adjust to June! Holy cow, how fast time can go by in the blink of an eye!

So much happened in May, it was an emotional roller coaster the entire month. If it weren't for the 300 or so photos I took in May, I wouldn't know where to start. But I promise not to bore you with all the photos.

Ok, here we go...

I had a follow up chest CT scan May 5th. Remember I had to go back to make sure the pneumonia had gone away? It came out clear! Now, I get to go back for my regular lymphoma scan at the end of this month.

Our nephew Jhonen was baptised the first weekend in May and Gabriel and I were honored to be his Godparents! Gabriel's dad happened to be in town for about a month and it was extra special since the entire family was there.

Valerie visiting with Grandma Chris, Great-Grandma Vargas and Jhonen's Great-Grandma

Martha smiling for the camera

Seth with Jhonen and Grandma Chris

What do you get when you're bored having to wait 10 minutes to go to swim practice, flip flops and a beat up skate board? Not pretty! She was out of swimming and PE for almost 2 weeks! She even had to use crutches for nearly a week because of this ugly sprain. She even missed Field Day at school. Lesson learned...let's hope!

At the hospital getting meds and crutches

Field Day with Seth

Mother's Day was nice this year. We spent it at Angie's house. The kids enjoyed a slip and slide, although it was unusually cool. We enjoyed some yummy bbq ribs, brisket and even better mamosas! (You don't see Olivia because she was still on her crutches.)

Grandma Baylor with the 'babies'

Veronica and Taylor

The slip n slide was a HIT!

Our world was shaken in the early morning hours of May 13th. I found my mom in my room crying, saying she needed to go to Ben Taub (a major trama center). Half asleep, I was wondering how she got in and why she was needing to go somewhere like that when she had insurance. She had scratched her arm badly at Angie's on Mother's Day and at first I thought it was that. Then she said my sister Adrienne was in a car accident. My heart dropped. Only serious accidents are taken to Ben Taub. My dad was on his way already, the hospital had called him after finding his number in my sister's cell phone. My mom couldn't drive because she was too emotional, so I drove us there at three in the morning. They wouldn't give my dad any information, which made our 45 minute trip there even more solomn. When we get there we find out she is stable but has some serious injuries. My first thought was "Thank you, God she is still alive!" She was on her way home from a friend's house at around 12:40am and she had just entered a major freeway. Some car came speeding behind her, crossing three lanes and clipped her bumper. This caused her to lose control, she rolled a couple of times and ended up crashing into the concrete median, sliding the length of a football field. Luckily, there was an eyewitness who stopped to call for help. Unfortunately, no one got a good look at this car's plates or even the car itself and they took off without stopping. Firefighters had to cut her out through her roof. Miraculously, the only injuries she suffered were two compound fractures on both ankles. Her left side was much more damaged than the right. She was wearing her seat belt, and had she not she probably would not have survived. She's been in the hospital since May 13th. She's been progressing nicely. Things that could go right, have. The doctors at Ben Taub initially thought she would lose her left foot. The damage was just too severe. Pieces of bone and skin were left behind in the car. They were able to close her right ankle wound immediately, but her left ankle wound was just covered last week. After transferring her out of Ben Taub, she's in the best of hands with a local orthopedic surgeon who specializes in trauma injuries as hers. The plastic surgeon had to use a piece of her stomach muscle to cover it rather than do a skin graft, and as an added bonus she got a free tummy tuck. :) The orthopedic surgeon still needs to go in and put in her mold of her foot, pins, etc...but he will do that once her skin heals. After this, she still needs to have reconstructive knee surgery on her left knee. But she is alive, she has all use of her entire body and although it could take up to a year before she's walking again, she's with us and my kids have their Aunt still. I've put some pictures of her, her injuries and her birthday party (it was the 20th) that her co-workers threw for her. They have been AMAZING. She has been blessed to have such loving and caring friends and employer, Jason's Deli. Everyone has been wonderful in taking care of her and my mom at the hospital.

Adrienne celebrating her birthday with her colleagues from Jason's Deli

Adrienne's leg before the operation

After the operation

A super cute cookie cupcake just for her

She got a new puppy to help with her therapy when she gets home. So in the meantime, we are puppy sitting for her. He's a really cute dog and he's adjusted well to Harlow and the rest of the family.

Valerie with Echo in bed

I ended up catching another cold from the hospital. Of course, it went straight to the lungs and I'm just now getting over it. I can't help but stress when I get even the slightest of colds trying to keep those thoughts of being more than a cold. I feel like wearing a mask 24/7 just so I don't get sick. I'm so prone to picking up any bug that is out there right now. But I'm praying for God's guidance through this. I'm still working on giving it all to God and trusting and finding comfort in Him.

The kids are on the neighborhood swim team this year again and it's in full force! For the entire month of May, we weren't getting home and having dinner until 8pm because of swim practice M-F and then the kids had to get ready for school the next day! Once school was out, their practices moved to the morning. Much better for us, at least we can run some errands at night (like get milk!). Today was Gabriel's day to take the kids to their meet. I get home meets and he gets the away ones. It's been weeks since I have had a Saturday at home, able to catch up on cleaning and laundry. I can't believe I'm actually excited about that! For the past few weeks, we were going to birthday parties right after swimming meets, so we wouldn't get home until 4! And by then, we're too pooped to clean, go shopping, etc...So, I am finally able to catch up on daily life stuff and stay ahead of it rather than drowning in it. Swimming lasts through June, then we'll be done. The kids will be able to sleep in then. Right now, they practice at 7:30am M-F, have swim meets that start at 7am Saturdays and then get up at 8 for church Sundays! So much for a lazy summer! LOL! Since school is starting in late August, they'll have at least a month of sleeping in only to have to get up early again....

Olivia getting ready for a heat

Seth getting on the block

Oh, we now officially have a Wolf Scout in the house! Seth graduated from a Tiger Cub and got a new book and necktie. Doesn't he look handsome? He absolutely loves Boy Scouts!

On the work force, Lara left us in Mid-May, she had a much better financial opportunity and took it. Who can blame her? :) But that means work is even crazier than usual until Wednesday, when our new admin starts. And since the building is for sale, we've been having about 2 tours a week. It feels like I'm going out on a date, putting my best foot forward, dress, make-up etc...it's so damn funny!

Ok, so this is what our house looks like Sunday nights....

Leaving Walmart last night

Also, I hope you all don't mind the change in this blog. It was time for a change. And isn't that what life is all about?

Love to all,
B

My Hero!

2008-04-29T20:39:00.003-05:00

Amy finished the LLS TNT Marathon this past weekend in Nashville, TN in 5:29!! How amazing is that? Here are a couple of pictures of my hero, my sister, my friend.

Amy looking fabulous!

My hero!

She has been not only a dear friend, but an inspiration to me in how I want to live my life. She exceeded her goal and raised nearly $4,000 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and she's an amazing mom to two beautiful kids. I wish miles didn't separate us like they do, but our hearts are always near each other.

You did it, Amy!! Thank you for honoring me, and thank you to everyone who helped Amy reach her goal. Thank you, thank you, thank you to each and everyone one of you from the bottom of my heart.

With much love and gratitude from Texas,
Brandy

Our little arteest...

2008-04-27T19:21:00.008-05:00

Olivia has been drawing since she could hold a pen. I found these 'pieces' that she did when she was a mere 3 years old using a green marker and yellow highlighter. :-)

Her school district recently held a Spring Art Show and we were sent home a letter saying her art would be one of the ones presented at the education complex. They had selected 8-10 drawings per school, from elementary through high school. We were really excited that her work was getting recognized. But then we got a call saying that she was one of 22 selected as a Joan Slayton Dailey Art Award Recipient! She had won a $100 art scholarship and her piece would remain at the education complex! WOW! Talk about icing on the cake. So this past Thursday night was the ceremony where she was presented with her award. Let me tell you that these kids are all amazing and talented artists! We were blown away by not only her work but those of other kids. Here are some pics from the night. Although we don't get to keep her original work, we will be sent a framed copy and I will make sure she signs and dates it! :)

Big sis and lil sis after the ceremony...

Cute Seth...

Olivia had her pick for dinner and she chose Fuddruckers! Yumm-O! I thought the table we were sitting at was appropriately named for us! LOL!

Daddy and Olivia bein silly...

Seth and his milkshake mustache...

Olivia sitting with the award recipients before the ceremony starts...the little boy next to her is in the same class as Seth and his cool Giraffe won Best in Show!

Olivia getting her award...the lady next to her used to be their school principal for over 18 years until she retired a few years back. She was especially proud to have two BCE students there!

Olivia and her art teacher, Ms. Otero, posing in front of her painting. She also won a blue ribbon on top of everything else!

Olivia next to her painting and award certificate.

Olivia's Desert Painting

Olivia right before the ceremony.

We took up two whole tables! Go Vargas Family!

Nicholas waiting patiently with his Blockbuster game!

Olivia waiting for the ceremony to begin.

We are so proud of Olivia and her amazing talent. It was a wonderful evening that I will forever cherish.

Now, we get to go art supply shopping for the little arteest...move over Crayola...you are soooo yesterday! lol!

Love to all,

This week in pictures...

2008-04-23T21:42:00.019-05:00

We made it to our first Astros game this season! Too bad we couldn't take all the kids, but Olivia and Seth had a good time.

If you look closely, you can see George and Barbara Bush right in the first row, front and center.

Gabriel and Seth posing for a picture...

Olivia and Seth giving me some smiles!

We had awesome dugout seats and the weather was perfect!

Look who we ran into on the way to our seats!

Valerie and Nicholas having some fun...

Aren't they cute?!?

Valerie got hold of some scissors and went to town on the right side of her head. So, we chopped her curls and we'll try growing it out one more time. LOL!

Hiding behind her ball...

Nicholas and Valerie having fun on Olivia's old Barbie car!

Seth loves frogs, and we have some that live in our yard. So, he made them their own Town Flag - Froggy Town!

Our neighbor has this tree in their backyard and every year we get to eat some of their yummy fruit that falls in our yard. The kids love these!

The weather has been cloudy, but this was one of our last sunrises we had seen in over a week.

This was an awesome find and I just had to share...While at Sam's we found this HUGE Lazy Susan...for $30! We snatched it up and it's certainly made our dinners much more smoother. These dishes are so wide, they can hold a 3lb roasted chicken cut up. We LOVE it!

I have so much more to post, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. Until then...

~Sweet Dreams~

Our corner of the world...

2008-04-13T17:27:00.019-05:00

I want to try to post some sort of weekly, maybe daily, little observation of life photos. I love having my point and shoot camera because I can finally take pics on a whim. So, to get things started these pics are about a week's worth of daily observations. I'll start off with our cute little nephew/cousin - Jhonen. We got a chance to babysit him a few weeks ago and it was absolutely wild having a baby in the house again! Olivia's mommy instinct took over and then he was out before we knew it!

Ok, so this stretch of road is normally clear, in fact it's not uncommon for most drivers to drive at least 65/70 mph on this road (but not me, because that would be illegal as the speed limit is 50mph!). ;-) Well, Tuesday afternoon we were bumper to bumper from the get go, and about midway through we were able to see the cause of this back-up. Seems a tow truck had some mechanical problems. At least it wasn't the entire stretch of this road - that could have easily been an hour's wait!

Here's the view from my office. I love staring up from my computer monitor and seeing all those green trees! If you squint hard enough, you can see Downtown Houston in the background.

Monday morning during rush hour...the skies were bringing rain but the sun was able to peek through. A lovely sight if only for a matter of minutes!

Ok, I was waiting in line at Walmart Friday late night (such a waste of registers - 20+ and yet only 5 or so were open!) and this poor little boy was nodding off in his cart while his mom was paying. He was just so cute I had to pull out my camera!

Friday evening we had an awesome sunset. The first is from a parking lot I pulled into just to take the photo and the second was from my sideview mirror...even that view took my breath away!

The kids' pediatric doctor's office moved to a new building and it was very cool. Nicholas has been battling a cold/cough and we just wanted to be sure it wasn't in his lungs. I regret not taking more pics of the lobby and even restroom! They have a fish/ocean theme throughout the suite and we happened to be in the Killer Whale Room! Oh well, next time we go I'll shoot away.(Nicky was fine by the way!)

So, if you see a crazy woman toting a camera around and taking pics of the oddest things...it's probably me! LOL!

Love to all,

Brandy

What type of fruit are you????

2008-04-10T14:44:00.004-05:00

I'm a Banana, and I don't even like Banana's...LOL! I stole this from Wullie's Blog, who borrowed it from another blog...and so forth... I thought this was cute and it pretty much summed me up, not bad for a 2 minute quiz.

So, what type of fruit are you?

You Are a Banana

You are mellow, easy going, and a total softie on the inside.

People find it really easy to get along with you. You suit most tastes.

And while you're very sweet, you're not boring or ordinary.

You have an attraction to the exotic, and you could show up anywhere... doing almost anything!

You are spirited, energetic, and a total kick to be around.

You're also quite funny. Your sense of humor is on the goofy side, and it fits you well.

What Type of Fruit Are You?

xoxo,
B

Cancer Fundraising Goals...

2008-04-08T22:23:00.006-05:00

Have you taken a peak at the link over there to your left??? Go ahead, I know you want to look! My dear friend Amy has now exceeded her goal of raising $3,4oo for the Leaukemia and Lymphoma Society!! She has collected $3,880 so far - WOW! She ROCKS!!! Her marathon is coming up in a few weeks (April 26th), so please say a prayer and wish her well. I will post an update after she crosses that finish line!!

I decided to participate in a walk myself, this one for the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life® event. Here's My Personal Page . I set a goal of $100 because a) it's my first time doing an event like this and b) I'm terrified of it coming back too soon and I won't be able to finish what I started. I know that's not a very positive outlook, but right now I'm taking it day by day and I'm just trying to get through this first year with clean scans. But after reading Julie's blog, I was just moved to join her sister's team and walk in her honor and I plan on doing it with or without cancer!

BUT, please know that I'll be more than happy to exceed that initial goal. :)

Ok, I'm off to bed...as Valerie says....

Sweet Dreams...
Brandy

A Very Nice, Long Vacation...

2008-04-07T21:39:00.007-05:00

I was off Thursday and Friday, and it was a much needed break on my poor body! I was able to catch my breath and feel like I'm not one step behind everyone else. So, while I was off I took advantage of the beautiful weather. The kids and I went to the park Friday afternoon. It was fun for all!

Nicholas and Valerie having fun on the slide...

Taking turns on the tire swing...

Love to all,

Brandy

Guess what I got in the mail over the weekend????

2008-04-07T21:24:00.003-05:00

Thanks again to KSBJ and the makers of CHI! It's already been happily used...on Olivia!

Hugs to all,
Brandy

Baptism Day!

2008-04-02T20:17:00.012-06:00

Olivia and I were baptized Sunday at our new church - Bear Creek Baptist Church

To be totally honest here, I have changed so much since my Stem Cell Transplant. All for the better I think...or at least hope! What has changed the most is my faith. BC (before cancer), I was a "spiritual" person (I believed in God) but I had no relationship with Him. I knew what I wasn't, and up until that time I just hadn't found the right church. Although we were trying, I was never motivated enough to keep going to church every Sunday. It was such a chore. Well, when death is staring you in the face something in you has to change. Not always for the better, but you are not the same person you were before the traumatic event. My faith became my strength, the strength and comfort I needed to die, to live, just to get through the ordeal. I haven't looked back since. So, when we found bcbc it just felt like home. It has a terrific children's program, offers the bible study classes I was looking for, but most importantly it's a place I get to praise God for giving me the miracle of second chances. I love going to church Sunday's now, and I haven't missed one yet. It seems to refresh my soul and I always leave there feeling better and blessed.

So, I was ready to profess my faith and belief in Jesus Christ and Olivia said she was ready to. So we thought why not do it together? And we did. March 30th we were baptized. It was such an honor to have my daughter by my side, and it was even better knowing our family was there witnessing this special moment. I loved the entire ceremony, and I cherish all the sweet memories that we made that day. But most importantly, I am blessed to have such a sweet child who has such a strong sense of faith to want to be baptized with me. That is pure love.

Here are pictures from our special day. Enjoy!

In the dressing room right before the baptism...

I went first, and this is Olivia coming up...

Martha, Olivia and me in the dressing room after the baptism!

So, after a very eventful morning, we all headed to a Mexican restaurant for some yummy food! All that excitement led to some grumbling tummies!

The family chowing on some food...

Love to all,
Brandy

Six Degrees of Separation...and my 15 minutes of fame!

2008-04-02T19:49:00.003-06:00

From Wikipedia...

"Six degrees of separation refers to the idea that, if a person is one step away from each person he or she knows and two steps away from each person who is known by one of the people he or she knows, then everyone is an average of six "steps" away from each person on Earth."

Want to know a cool feeling? Pulling into the garage at work and then hearing your name on the radio, but not only hearing your name but also hearing the words you typed here on the blog being read by the DJ! That is a way cool feeling! It all comes down to this theory of Six Degrees of Separation. Of course, God is the ultimate one we are all connected to. But what's fascinating is how we are all connected, somehow in someway. For me, Lymphoma has been my connection to hundreds of people I would normally never have met before. There are people all across the world who deal with this one little blood cancer. During my battle the first time around, I was more in denial and felt reassured by my doctors at how this was curable and how lucky I was to have the "easy" cancer. So I went about my business treating this cancer like it was some sort of flu I had to get rid of. It wasn't until I relapsed within a year of treatment and underwent my stem cell transplant that my whole world changed - literally my core was shaken and sadly it needed to be. At that point, it was important to reach out to others who have been there, survived it and for those who were struggling it alongside me. There's nothing like being in the 10% population and feeling so alone, wondering why treatment didn't work for you. I thought what a lonely journey this can be at times, even though you are surrounded by family and friends. But in reality, you are not alone and there has and always will be someone who has walked a similar path.

Ok, so back to the morning show on KSBJ. Mike and Susan are an incredible on-air team. I'm fairly new to the station as a listener, but immediately I loved it and have yet to switch stations. I love hearing them on the way to work, Susan cracks me up (could be because we're birthday twins!) and I have stumbled across Mike's wife's (Becky) blog and from there came across several other wonderful blogs (not to mention awesome deals, thank you Becky!). That's how I realized one of Becky's dear friends has non-hodgkin's lymphoma. It seems we all run around in the same circle of lymphomaniacs...LOL! And that is how this nobody who won a CHI was a somebody for a few minutes this morning.

It really is such a small world, isn't it?

Much love to all,
Brandy

Monday was my lucky day!

2008-04-01T20:41:00.004-06:00

I won a FABULOUS CHI (see pic below) on the radio heading into work yesterday! KSBJ had a promo when the weather announcer said it was going to be a CHI day (hot and humid), then you call in to win one of these. And I won! I have never won anything on the radio before and I was soooo excited!! Needless to say, I was esctatic all day and it really did start my week off on the right foot.

I know what you're thinking "Brandy, you have no hair to CHI". Yes, you are right. But at the rate it's coming in, by the end of summer I should be using this baby everyday! And in the meantime, I will be using it on Olivia's hair. She loves it when her hair isn't 'poofy'. lol! Unless a pot of gold fell into our laps, I would never think of spending this kind of money for my hair. I just wouldn't. So now, I get one and my family still gets to eat! LOL! It should be coming in the mail over the next couple of weeks. I'll let you know when it gets here and test it out on Miss O.

Thank you, KSBJ! :)

Eagerly waiting to CHI,
Brandy

CLEAN CT SCAN!

2008-03-25T23:27:00.003-06:00

I had another scheduled CT scan and it's all clear!! It never fails though that I was sick this time around too. Remember my sore throat in January? Well, this time I started having a bad cough last week. Went to the docs, got a z pack and started feeling better Monday (the day of my scans). Well, two chest xrays did not catch the pneumonia that is in my left lung. The CT scan caught it, so now I'm on another z pack for 5 more days and I'll have a chest CT scan in May. Had it not been for that, I would be looking at a 6 month wait on scans!! Hey, as long as there's no lymphoma bring on pneumonia and anything else!! :) WOO-HOO!!

So, I'll probably be celebrating, praying and giving thanks until my next round of scans! Until then, here's to a very enjoyable next two months.

Much love,
Brandy

Happy Easter!

2008-03-25T23:11:00.005-06:00

We enjoyed a very mild Easter this year and spent Easter at my mom's house, and the kids all had fun easter egg hunting and breaking the cascarones on everyone's heads!

Me and the kiddos being silly wabbits....

Seth, Nicky and Aunt Adrienne...

Olivia counting her quarters...

Nicky hit the easter egg lottery...

Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter!

Love,

The Vargas'

Yee-Haw!! Giddy up....!

2008-03-12T21:19:00.015-06:00

One of our building customers had 8 rodeo tickets (not to mention parking passes - yes!) to Monday night's Rodeo performance featuring Sugarland. The kids and Gabriel have no clue who they are, but we thought it was the perfect reason to go out on a school night and have some fun!

The weather had been horrible, miserable, just bleh. We had planned to spend most of the night inside anyhow. But by the time we arrived, the clouds had cleared and it ended up being a perfect night out. The kids had the run of the carnival, I didn't have to worry about someone falling behind, getting lost, long lines, etc...The Ferris Wheel was a bit nerve-wracking for us oldies! After that, the kids had fun on bumper cars, airplanes and even roller coasters!

Waiting to ride the Ferris Wheel and having fun on bumper cars!

YIKES! Just don't look down...

Olivia and Seth before and after the roller coaster ride! :)

Flying high at the Rodeo!

Valerie enjoying the plane and Olivia and Seth on the mini-dropper!

I realized my camera has video right in the middle of the concert. I got a great shot (well, could have had more lighting) of Nicholas singing along to a song he had never heard in his life! Gotta love it!

Hugs to all,
Brandy

Happy Birthday, Seth!

2008-03-12T20:04:00.007-06:00

Our Seth-E-Poo (as he likes to be called by his girlfriends)turns 7 today!! We celebrated his birthday with some of his Cub Scout friends Sunday, and everyone had a really good time. I even got into the boxing ring to battle the 7 year olds! haha!!

Seth is such a spirited and loving little boy. He's such the charmer and is a great negotiater. :) He's truly a sweetheart and loves anything and everything Star Wars and Transformers. We also call him our own little 'Huck', that boy can squeeze into size 4t pants that come to his knees and he loves climbing trees barefoot!

Here are som pics from the past weekend. I also turned 35 Sunday, so we had a nice dinner after Seth's party with my mom and sister and it topped off a very busy weekend.

Love to all,
B

My life in photos...

2008-03-03T00:08:00.013-06:00

It seems these days I don't leave home without my little point and shoot camera. I always seem to want to capture some moment digitally, either of the kids (most of the time), the dog, or mother nature. And this is one of the reasons why. On my way in to work the other morning I saw one of the most beautiful sunrises I had seen in a long time. And for those that don't know, I have always been captivated by clouds and the way the sun reflects light on and through them. Ever since I got hold of a 110 film camera at the age of 10 I have been snapping pictures of clouds, and things haven't changed nearly 25 years later. And you know what? No two are ever the same! :)

Valerie and Seth at a friend's party over the weekend...

At Nicholas' 4th b-day party at CEC...

Olivia before Nicky's party and Nicholas admiring his cake!

Gabriel and the kids playing in the yard....

Spring is in the air and I love the way it smells.

Hoping you are enjoying your view as much as we are.

Love to all,

Brandy

Happy Birthday, Nicholas!

2008-02-26T12:58:00.002-06:00

Our sweet, sweet Nicky turns 4 today! WOW! Can that be???? We have been blessed with four beautiful and amazing children, and this one is no exception. He is the sweetest little kid you could ask for. He has his moments (he is 4) but his kindness, loving and gentle soul make up for any toddler drama he could possibly go through. Want to know what I'm talking about? When I came home after having my biopsy on my lymphnode back in 2005, he would lay down with me, so calm and peaceful, just to be by me and comfort me. He was two at the time. two! He still has the gentlest soul and we cherish every minute we have with him. He's even been a model for the older two at times! So, my wish for Nicholas is not only that he live a long, happy and healthy life but that I may witness what a fine young man he turns into.

We had his party Sunday at (((drum roll please))) - Chuck E Cheese! It's times like these I wish they were twins...at least we could get the birthday over with one swoop! lol! Everyone had a great time and I'll post pictures later tonight. At least it was a different location. haha.

One more party to go...that will be on the 9th of March...two for one so-to-speak...since that's my birthday too. :-) We still don't know what we're doing for Seth, though. YIKES! I better get on the ball before I scar my son for life and not have a party at all. LOL! ;-)

Love to all,
Brandy and Gabriel

Some little milestones...

2008-02-11T19:49:00.000-06:00

My Day +100 was last week! I've been so caught up in living my life that I actually forgot it was Day +100 until the day was almost over! I think that's a good thing. Life has been sweet and I am treasuring every minute of it. We've lost so many strong, wonderful souls over the past year and to let the unkown take over my life would be an injustice to their memory and for all others who have lost their battle with this disease. I heard this morning Roy Scheider lost his battle to a blood cancer - Multiple Myeloma, it's closely related to Lymphoma.

So when people like sweet Amy do the things they do to help people like me, it makes me so happy and honored to know them. If you click the link to your left, you will see she has almost hit her goal of $3,400 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training! She had this ingenious idea of creating Super Bowl squares, half the proceeds went to her TnT marathon funds, and the other half went to the squares. She sold 100 at $20 a piece. How cool was that? She is so close to her goal....she will definitely hit it by April!

Work is falling into place, everything seems to be coming back rather quickly. The memory thing is a hit or miss still. I am going to try my hand at some memory games, hoping those work. If anything, I can at least have an excuse to play games...right? :)

Thank you for all your continued prayers, I really do believe in the power of them. If I could ask to include in your prayers the following fellow Hodge friends who are undergoing or about to undergo sct's themselves: Bekah, Haydee, Scott, Darcy and Peggy. Wishing you all into remission soon!

With much love,
Brandy

CLEAN SCANS!!!!

2008-02-03T18:35:00.001-06:00

Well, for the most part! I was sick with (what I believe was) Laryngitis the week I had my CT scan and that's the only thing that showed a difference between the last scan and this one. And the change was in mm, so it was really tiny and was due to me being sick. Well, they could also see I had a nasty cough last month. I swear we had the cold run through our house twice! We are still getting rid of it.

The good news is that both my SCT team and Lymphoma doc said I looked great, there was no Lymphoma and I was in remission...still....!! YAY!! It was a rollercoaster ride for me emotionally last week, trying not to focus on the inflammation and instead focusing on my clean scans and feeling great. The hair is coming in fast, you can't even see my scalp anymore! And, I'm getting it back in places I never knew I could get hair....the side of my face has some fine baby hair, I hope it falls out quickly or I might be mistaken for a werewolf! LOL!

So, to celebrate the good news my MIL Martha and I took Olivia and her friend Heather to see the Hannah Montana movie Saturday afternoon. I didn't realize it was in 3D, and I was a little apprehensive about that...remember those flimsy paper glasses with one red and one blue eye lens??? Well, times have changed! The glasses could easily be mistaken for regular sunglasses and the improvement with technology was breathtaking. I actually enjoyed the movie, but I don't think quite as much as the girls did. :)

I go back to get scanned again March 24th and then see my sct doctor March 25th. My lymphoma doc doesn't want to see me until May, so I will take that as a good sign. :-)

I've attached some photos from the kids, and myself, recently....Enjoy and much love to all!!
--B

Here I am posing with what was a delicious Edible Arrangement sent to my by one of our customers, W-H Energy Services. We have the best customers ever!

Nicholas, Olivia and I having fun with the camera!

We finally had to cut Valerie's hair....3 years later! Doesn't she look cute??

The kids goofing off for the camera!

Olivia standing in front of her science fair project at Science Night and playing with flubber...

Seth getting his blood pressure and heart rate checked at Science Night...

Our mad scientist and her assistant!!!

Hannah Montana Movie....looking good in those shades!!

Day +89 and I'm officially back at work!!

2008-01-27T21:54:00.000-06:00

What a week! Wow, I didn't even work a full week but boy was I exhausted!! My body aches, my mind is still trying to remember everything and is going into about a million different places. It was so good to be back and see all those familiar faces. It was good getting back to work, but it's much harder than I anticipated as far as adjusting. Everything seems so familiar and yet so foreign at the same time. But I am trying my best and Lara and Liz have been extremely patient with me getting back into the swing of things.

I had my CT scan Friday. That went ok. It was my first CT scan with pre-meds since the last time I had a reaction to the dye. I must say, Benadryl was a really nice surprise after such a busy week. Since I drove, they wouldn't let me leave on my own until I had flushed everything out. So, I enjoyed the meds' side effects and actually napped for 3 hours!! It's been months since I've napped and it felt so good. So, let's hope my docs have nothing to report. I see my SCT doc Tuesday morning and then see my Lymphoma doc Wednesday morning. I'm just glad it's over and I'm hoping I have a few months off before I go back again for more tests.

It's been crazy here as Gabriel and I have switched roles yet again. And to top it off, he is starting his own property tax business and the season kicks off in a few months....so that's made our lives even busier. Oh, I happily volunteered to be the cookie sales manager for our troop this year, so that's getting ready to take off in a few weeks. Our house will be filled with cookies from floor to ceiling and then I'll be at stores bright and early every Saturday in March until we have sold our last cookie!! :-) And that's just skimming the top of what goes on in our house. lol! I love it and wouldn't have it any other way.

Much love to all,
B

Happy 3rd Birthday Valerie!!

2008-01-20T12:17:00.000-06:00

What a busy weekend! My 'baby' turned 3 - how is that possible??? Here are some pics from her party at Chuck E. Cheese, which we learned when we got there that she was deathly terrified of that big ol' rat!!

It wasn't too hard finding a cake for her...

Chowing down on some pizza...

She didn't even want to look at Chuck E.!

Finally, having fun riding Barney!

Olivia and Taylor...

Nicholas sneaking in some icing....

Seth having fun in front of the camera...

Nicholas and Seth in front of the camera...

Daddy with Valerie and Jhonen...

After it was all over, Valerie was in pony heaven!!!

One down, three more to go! Also, my scans are rescheduled for Friday. I should say scan, since my PET scan has not been rescheduled. That is fine by me, I don't want to glow any more than I need to. I go back to work Tuesday and see my my doctors the last week in January. Here's to clean scans and smooth transitions at work!!

Love to all,
B

UPDATE

2008-01-15T17:02:00.000-06:00

My scans were rescheduled for sometime next week. I should know by the end of this week when I'll have my PET and CT scans and when I'll see the doctors.

Until then, no news is good news. :) I'll post some pics of the kids in a bit.

Oh, I also wanted to add that Amy is halfway to her goal of $3,400 for the TNT LLS Marathon in April!! You Go Girl!! If you haven't a clue as to what I am talking about, see the link over there (to the left of you!). A huge THANK YOU to everyone who has contributed. It is because of people like you that the LLS is able to help people like me. You Rock!

--B

Day +69 and scan time again!

2008-01-07T09:23:00.000-06:00

Wow, I'm almost to Day +100! I feel good. I am doing everything I was before, even vacuuming. I should have tried to hold out on that one a bit longer!! :) I have my scans again (has it been over a month already?) next week. I have my PET and CT scans next Monday, see my SCT doctor Tuesday and my Lymphoma doctor Wednesday. There goes a quick $100 between parking and office co-pays...And then if all goes well, as it should, I go back to work on the 22nd of this month! I'm a little nervous and excited about returning. It's been 6 months since I've been out and I'm hoping it all comes back to me. I know how hard it is after coming back after a long vacation, can you imagine being gone 6 months??? Liz and Lara have done a wonderful job of keeping everything running smoothly, do they even need me at all? ;-) At any rate, this is going to be my last quiet week. Starting next week, it's going to get busy and stay busy.

Birthdays are coming up, Valerie is kicking off the season with hers on the 21st. We're having her party at Chuck E Cheese, her request and she's so excited!! :) Then comes Nicholas' on the 26th of February, then mine on March 9th and then Seth's on the 12th - Whew!!

Here's to getting back to life and all that entails...

Cheers,
Brandy

In Memory of Shannon Irby...

2008-01-02T18:07:00.001-06:00

Shannon Irby passed away from a two year, hard fought battle with Hodgkin's Lymphoma today. She was 30, wife to Jesse and mom to five beautiful kids. Hodgkin's has stolen yet another young and beautiful soul, leaving behind a devoted husband and so many loving children. Why does life have to be so damn unfair? Why didn't the chemo work on her body? Why???? I don't see anything "lucky" about getting the "easy" cancer. If only I got a dollar everytime I heard a doctor or friend say this, I would be well off! There is certainly nothing lucky about getting cancer, and there is certainly no easy cancer. Hodgkin's is supposed to have a 90% cure rate and yet here I sit in the 10% after undergoing a SCT, writing about a woman who was also in the 10% of this 'curable' cancer. Both of us in our 30s, both of us devoted wives and mothers, both of us God-fearing women, both of us with young, impressionable children. Maybe I'm going through, what they call, 'survivor's guilt'. I never understood that concept until now and even now I don't know if that's what it is. All I know is a young mother passed away today from this horrible disease and left behind a young family. My worst nightmare. I'm not scared of dying, I'm scared of leaving my babies while they are so young. I know she is finally at peace and pain-free. That should be enough, but somehow it isn't. Stuff like this isn't supposed to happen to good people. At least that is how I wish life worked. My heart aches for her husband, but especially for her children. Wrapping them in my arms tonight and praying for her family.

If you are reading this, please say a prayer for Shannon Irby's family. You can read more about her and her incredible journey here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/shannonirby

With a heavy heart,
B

Happy New Year!!

2008-01-02T10:06:00.000-06:00

I hope someone out there stayed up until at least midnight! We rang in the New Year popping fireworks and watching the other beautiful displays throughout the neighborhood until about 10:45 p.m., that's when the kids and I apparently fell asleep. I should clarify that Gabriel, Olivia, Seth and Nicholas rang in the New Year popping fireworks. Valerie was still scared of them (this is the girl who hates balloons because they pop!), so she, Harlo and I cuddled on the sofa and watched movies since I am not too fond of popping fireworks myself. Poor Harlo was shivering on the sofa, after giving up from hiding under the bed. It seems the three scaredy-cats were inside, huddled together. :) I did wake up right after midnight, so Gabriel and I did get to ring it in together, but then we quickly retreated to bed. Is that pathetic or what? lol.

Playing with sparklers and poppers....

All the noise proved to be too much for Miss Valerie...

And Harlo....

Ahhh, finally relaxed....

Happy New Year!!

Love,
B

Merry Christmas!!

2007-12-26T22:04:00.000-06:00

I can't believe Christmas is already over! I'm not ready for it to be over just yet. I want to hear more Christmas songs on the radio, feel the Christmas spirit at stores, on the road, outside. It just seems like this entire year flew by.

The past two weeks have been filled with tissue boxes, cold medicines and cough drops. The 'chest cold' ran through our house, even afflicting me. I was terrified at first, having a deep cough always takes me back to when I was sick with the Hodge. Of course, I kept saying I didn't care what happened, I was getting through Christmas and then going to the doctors. :) I did not want anything to ruin the holiday for me and luckily, we were on the tail end of it by Christmas Eve! My body was able to fight off the cold and not turn into a serious infection. Yay! The 100 day period from my sct is critical. They say you make it to 100 days without any serious complications and you'll be ok. To say the least, I was a bit anxious battling this cold out. The Hodge was always in the back of my mind. It will continue to be this next year as well. I just have to get through it one day at a time and before you know it I will be at the one year mark with clean scans!

So, we finally made it to Christmas relatively healthy. Another major milestone! We seem to have sick kids around holidays and birthdays. Don't know how we do it, but we do. :) Impeccable timing on our part. We normally spend Christmas Eve with Gabe's dad and step-mom, but this year they stayed in Saudi - well, actually Amsterdam for Christmas. So, we let the kids open their gifts from them Christmas Eve. At first, I thought maybe just one but that quickly turned into all of them! :) As you can see, they loved all their gifts!

The kids can't wait to see what Grandpa Ramon and Grandma Martha got them...

Olivia victoriously holds a Hannah Montana gift!

Valerie pointing out the beautiful Barbie horse!

Seth checking out his cool, new tent!

After all that excitement, trying to get the kids to sleep at a decent hour was futile. Gabe and I fell asleep before Olivia and Seth. So, we pop up at around 2am and start helping Santa put all the gifts under the tree and in their stockings. You know you're old when your kids outlast you at night. lol. Normally, my kids sleep in 'late' (7am). Not Christmas morning. I woke up to Olivia and Seth looking at the tree in awe at around 4:30 am. Since the babies were still sleeping (yeah, that's it!) I suggested we wait a few more hours to open the gifts. To my surprise, they didn't even try to open the gifts and waited patiently until around 6:30 am when they decided it was time to get everyone up. Who can blame them? :)

Merry Christmas Nicholas!

Valerie riding her pony from Santa!

Olivia realizing she got High School Musical...

Olivia trying out the Hannah Montana wig...

Seth the next Sith!

Nicholas riding his bog boy bike!

I love Christmas Morning. I love seeing the excitement and joy in their eyes and in their squeels. I love putting out the gifts in the middle of the night. I love leaving the reindeer food outside and then sweeping it up so they think it was eaten. I love making Santa cookies and leaving him milk. I love that they really believe in Santa. Well, I think Olivia has caught on. Santa brought her a Hannah Montana dress in a Macy's box and she was shocked that Santa shops at Macy's. Ooops! lol! It made me sad when she questioned him. Must they grow up so darn fast?

We are thankful for so much this year. Loving family, great friends, awesome doctors and God's love. I know 2008 is going to be a fantastic year full of good health and wonderful memories.

Wishing all my family and friends reading this a blessed 2008 filled with peace, love and happiness.

Love,
Brandy, Gabriel, Olivia, Seth, Nicholas and Valerie

Deb's Visit!

2007-12-16T18:44:00.000-06:00

It was soooo good to see her! Although we were experiencing some typical Houston weather - aka HOT and HUMID and in the '80s! And to top it off, our AC had been out during that time!! Who knew your AC going out in December could be so miserable?! lol.

So, after we (well, she) played Martha Steward making the hell out of wreaths, we wined and dined at Carraba's, went shopping like mad women Saturday morning and then spent Saturday afternoon at Seth's Boy Scout Christmas party. She graciously volunteered to babysit for us so Gabe and I could have an evening out alone and I took her up on it! It's only been months since we've been able to do that. She also helped me get out of my fashion rut and chose some pretty cool clothes and shoes. She got me this totally awesome jacket and red patent shoes - she knew I wouldn't buy them myself and she was right! :)

Here is Deb showing off one of her many talents....she's so crafty!!

Here we are at Carraba's having some good food and even better wine!

Gabe and I before going out to PF Changs...mmmm....

So, right before she has to leave what does she decide to do? Cook 3 meals in less than 2 hours!?
How crazy was that?!

Here we are all nice and sweaty..errr. glistening...after cooking! :)

And this is why I love her - who else can do this with their tongue??? :D

As usual, time flew by and we could have easily spent another week together. But, there will be another time for get togethers. I can't wait to visit her in her new home sometime next year in Wisconsin, although I will make sure not to be there during December! lol!

Love ya, D!!

--B

@#$$ Computer Virus!!

2007-12-16T18:21:00.000-06:00

Arrgghh! We had a virus on our computer and it completely wreaked havoc. So, I've not been able to download any photos or update my blog here for a few days. I hate those things!!

So, things have been crazy at Casa de Vargas. We're all anxiously waiting until Good Ol' St. Nick arrives. Nicholas and I have started this tradition (while Valerie is napping) of going in the front yard with a blanket and just laying there looking up at the trees and sky or closing our eyes tightly and imagining all sorts of things. Well, here are some photos from the view down there.

And notice these suckers?? They are growing in super fast! Yee-Haw!! I have a face again! lol!

Olivia and I had a Girl Scouts outing at Memorial City Mall today. CRAZY!! We spent about 10 minutes just trying to find a parking space! But, the girls had a great time ice skating. Olivia did great being it was her first time! :)

At first, she and the rail were one...but by the end of the day she was out and about!

Nothing like ending your day on the carousel!

--B

Happy Holidays from me and the kids!

2007-12-06T14:15:00.000-06:00

http://www.jibjab.com/sendables/view/CkEMpqrpm5buSoF1KPAvq7RL

Enjoy!

p.s. I posted a new entry dated 11.10.07. I had started it then but didn't finish it until today. I thought it would have updated the date, but guess not. Read it if you have time.

Love,

NEGATIVE!!!

2007-12-01T06:55:00.000-06:00

My scans came back clean! I go back in a month to see my sct doc and then I redo the tests sometime in February. WOOHOO! We celebrated last night with a little bit of champagne, mmm...that was so yummy! I was also cleared to go back to work in late January. I'm coming back Liz and Lara!! :)

I did have a weird reaction to the CT scan iodine Thursday night. After it was all over with the tech noticed I was red in the face. I saw myself in the mirror and I had red blotchy patches over my face and neck area. I was hot and my blood pressure was 150/102! It's always been in the normal range and that scared me. So, I had to wait around for an hour, drinking lots of water and going to the restroom so I could flush it out. By the time I left, I was much better. My only other option next time is to have a dose of steroids before the exam. If that doesn't work, then I won't be able to have the CT scan since the iodine gives them a clean look at my insides. We'll probably just stick with the PET scan and they also do a CT scan, so I don't see why I needed the additional CT scan in the first place. But then again, I'm not a doctor getting paid buccoos of money now am I??? :P Also, my PET scan nurse asked me how old I was and if I was a teenager!?! I swear she was being serious!! She about died when I told her I was (gasp!) 34 and that I also had (gasp!) 4 kids!! That put a smile on my face! Gabriel didn't believe me, but I had to remind him it wasn't the first time that's happened. When I was in the hospital with premature labor pains with Nicholas, the nurse came in and we were chit chatting and she asks me if this is my first baby. I said no, I have two more and she looks at me weird and says I look like I'm 18 and if I was!! Of course, I had to break her bubble and reassure her I was 30! I used to hate my oily skin growing up. Now I'm glad I have it because it's keeping me in my teens....roflol!!!

Ok, back to reality. I wanted to upload some pics from Thanksgiving and the weekend. I'm still waiting to get the pics from my sister...cough...cough!

Here's Nicholas and Olivia Thanksgiving Day. We let her wear some makeup she got as a bday present from Grandma Martha and Grandpa Ramon! She loves it!

Thanksgiving weekend isn't Thanksgiving weekend without the beginning of Christmas! Since it was cold and wet, we held off on the tree but that didn't stop us from getting into the Christmas spirit!!

It was a big weekend for Olivia, too. She moved into her own room! She went with the Hannah Montana theme, what a shocker! LOL! I want my baby back!!! :)

Well, I can't believe December is already here! The past 5 months seem like one big blur of a memory, and all I kept thinking about was making it to December...Christmas, holiday music, being done with treatment...and now it's here!! One of my best friends is coming for a visit as well. I am so excited to see Deb next week. It's going to be a wonderful month!!!!

Love to all!
B

Scanxiety...

2007-11-28T15:28:00.000-06:00

Scanxiety, n. [< scan + anxious.] Anxious prior to a scan (CAT, MRI, CT, etc.) for some kind of disease or malignancy.

I have my CT and PET scans tomorrow. If I weren't so irritated that they scheduled me for an 8:40 P.M. CT scan, I would be a little more anxious about the tests. I have my PET at 1:00 p.m. and then I get to wait around until 7:00 p.m. when I get to start drinking that lovely barium for the CT scan. I mean, it's not like I don't already know every inch of that hospital, every aisle of each gift shop. So, I think this will be the perfect time to catch up on some reading. We'll see. Oh, I forgot about the rest areas, I could catch up on some much needed sleep. I have a four hour break, hell I could possibly do both. lol!

I then see my stem cell doc Friday and if all is well (as it should be) I could be looking at a 3 month break from hospitals, poking, prodding and parking fees!! Crossing my fingers and toes that will be the case.

I do have a bit of a rant. I know I shouldn't be complaining, because I am so grateful to be home and relatively healthy. But this LTD process is not what I had expected. I was under the impression it would just roll over and I wouldn't have to do anything. My STD ended October 22nd and for over a month now I haven't received a check for LTD yet. It's close to Christmas and I don't know when I will be getting paid. With my luck, probably not until I return to work. Let's see, between my work bonus, LTD backpay, IRS tax return (wishful thinking!) and my full time regular paychecks coming in...February should be a very good month in our house! I wonder if we can postpone Christmas until then??? LOL! Seriously, if Gabriel wasn't working we would be in dire straits. And his job ends sometime in December, so we are really cutting it close. I'm going to see when I can go back to work Friday when I see the doc. I'm hoping she doesn't have any problem with me returning sooner than later. Anyway, we'll get through Christmas just fine, it was just a little rant regarding the darn insurance people and their red tape. I mean, I was just on STD and now it takes another 35-45 days to approve LTD...nothing's changed for me!! Ok, rant over....!

On a lighter note, a huge THANK YOU to all who have contributed to Amy's LLS Team in Training fundraising efforts. She's already collected 15% of her goal....GO AMY, GO! :) You guys rock and are really helping a wonderful cause. They provide so much to Leaukemia and Lymphoma patients.

Love to all,
B

Happy Thanksgiving!!

2007-11-25T13:42:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I'm a little late but it was a very nice Thanksgiving weekend. We have so much to be thankful for....wonderful friends, family, generous co-workers and customers, strangers who seem to say the right thing at the right time, being cancer free right now...and the list could go on and on. I want to say a huge Thank You to our customer DataVox for our delicious Thanksgiving dinner. It was so nice to have a stress-free dinner at home and it was perfect. I was so touched that you thought of our family during this holiday. Thank you, again. My sister was the photographer, so once I get the pics from her I'll post them here. After dinner, I actually braved a store or two. Didn't buy anything, just scoping it out for Friday. :)

I was debating on whether or not to go out on Black Friday. I love the rush of doing it, even if I don't buy anything. And so I did. Now, I didn't get up at 3am or anything like that. I woke up at my normal time, 6:30, and headed out. Can you believe I even walked out of Target without buying anything! I missed the really good deals and wasn't going to buy anything that wasn't on sale. I did find some deals at some other stores, but it was more fun just going out and being surrounded by the crowds while the Christmas spirit filled the air.

We also worked on getting Olivia's room done. She was ready for her own room and she deserved it. Guess what she picked as her bedding? Of course, Hannah Montana. She even used her own money to decorate her room! We're still needing to hang her curtains and put some other decorations on the wall, but for the most part it's done and it looks so cozy! She spent practically the entire afternoon laying in bed, reading and finishing her 13 chapter book and listening to Christmas music on the radio. Can you say "Little Brandy"???? She is so adorable! :)

This has been a very busy weekend and it was one of my favorite Thanksgiving holidays ever. And even though Thanksgiving is over, I will continue to count my blessings and give thanks for all that I have.

With a grateful heart,
--B

Finally home!!!!

2007-11-17T11:23:00.001-06:00

Ok, so I came home Monday afternoon. What a wonderful feeling it was leaving the hospital and walking into the arms of my two babies! I felt better than I had expected, so instead of staying with my dad for a week (the original plan) I decided to go straight home. I was just so homesick. It's been a rather quiet week, too. I had my doctor's appointment Tuesday, counts looked good so I had two days off and returned Friday. My platelets jumped from 42 to 172 in two days!! Because of that, I was able to remove my catheter Friday....no more wires hanging out of me!!! It was a very busy day Friday and I spent half my day at the hospital. But, the good news is I don't have to go back until Wednesday. And I was taken off two of my antibiotics, so that's only like 50 pills I have to take each day. j/k! I've been resting a lot, just taking lots of naps throughout the day and still tired by 9:00 p.m.! I have ventured out to some stores, of course I don't leave home without my mask. A couple of kids said "Look, mom! A nurse!!" It was pretty funny. At least it's better than scaring them. :)

I know I was spared from a lot of complications and I can only attribute that to having been blessed with a resilient body. I mean, look at my bones - it takes two people to break off a piece for my bone marrows!! :) I seem to have recovered quicker than normal too. My nurses were quite impressed with how well I've bounced back. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I keep waiting for the real suffering to begin, isn't that what I'm supposed to be going through? Don't get me wrong, I had a few bad days there but not nearly as bad as I was expecting or have heard others go through. I just can't seem to grasp the idea of getting off this easy and being cancer free. Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself. I do have a high tolerance for pain. Maybe that's why it wasn't as bad as I was thinking it would be. I just tolerated it better than others? Anyway, I have my CT/PET scans the last week in November. I will try not to let the scanxiety get to me. I have to remember I was clean in September and I will be clean again.

My dear friend and Pi Phi sister, Amy Smith, is running in the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training Marathon in Nashville, TN in April 2008. She's running in my honor. I was so touched she would not only train intensely for this 26 mile marathon, but she would travel to a different state to run to help raise funds for the LLS and run in my honor. So, we need to make sure she reaches her fundraising goal of $3,400. This money is used by the LLS for all sorts of programs. I was amazed and grateful to learn that I could be reimbursed for mileage to and from the hospital, for my medical prescription co pays and for parking fees. These quickly add up when you are making numerous trips to the hospital on a weekly basis. Every penny counts when you are battling this disease and to get some reimbursement was a huge relief to our family. Here is the link, but I will also post it permanently on my page so it won't get lost in the archives.

Amy Smith's Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training web page:
http://www.active.com/donate/tntil/tntilASmith

I also wanted to say Thank You to everyone who supported my family while I was in the hospital. Liz, I will never be able to repay you for everything you have done for our family. To our customers and work colleagues, thank you so much for the dinners. Your generosity continues to amaze me. To everyone who sent cards, thank you. They mean so much to us and continue to give us strength and some much needed smiles! Cindy - Thank you for the stamps, they were very much needed!! I know we have been blessed to know each and every one of you. You have made this difficult journey more tolerable and definitely less stressful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

With much, much love,
Brandy

The gift of cancer...

2007-11-10T18:48:00.000-06:00

How could cancer be a gift? Cancer has given me a second chance at how I am living my life. A second chance to tell my family and friends how grateful I am for them and that I love them. Cancer has given me overwhelming support, kindness, generosity and love. What's more surprising is who it came from. Those I thought were shoe-ins for support didn't quite follow through and those people I would never have expected anything more than a card really touched me with their generosity. You never know how people will react when you get sick, but after you do you see people's real heart. I don't hold any ill will towards those that didn't quite come through as I had expected, people react to illness in their own way. I'm just grateful to those that surprised me. What a wonderful life I have lived so far knowing how loved I am.

I recently heard this song the other day and it reminded me of how I feel about my entire experience with cancer. And yes, I consider the outpour of love and support to be the best thing that cancer gave me.

Angels Among Us
Written by: Becky Hobbs
Performed by: Alabama

I was walking home from school on a cold winter day.
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way.
It was getting late, and I was scared and alone.
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home.
Mama couldnt see him, but he was standing there.
And I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers.

Chorus
Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with a light of love.

When life held troubled times, and had me down on my knees.
Theres always been someone there to come along and comfort me.
A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand.
A phone call from a friend, just to say I understand.
And aint it kind of funny that at the dark end of the road.
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.

Chorus
Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with a light of love.

They wear so many faces, show up in the strangest places.
To guide us with their mercy, in our time of need.

Chorus
Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with a light of love.

Chorus
To guide us with a light of love.

I also wanted to share what one of our vendors sent me. Lisa B., with Initial Tropical Plants, sent me a lovely card of support and along with this card enclosed was a beautiful necklace and pendant with the following inscription:

What Cancer Cannot Do
Author Unknown

It cannot...

invade the soul
suppress memories
kill friendship
destroy peace
conquer the spirit
shatter hope
cripple love
corrode faith
steal eternal life
silence courage

I wear this with pride and it gives me the strength to continue living a life without fear and worry. Thank you, Lisa. And Jean B., I keep my pocket angel with me everywhere I go. I swear, I am surrounded by angels!!

Much love to all!!
Brandy

Day +11....going home soon!

2007-11-06T13:54:00.000-06:00

Doctor's said I am going home Monday, Day +13!!!!!!! A few days ago I was bawling to my nurse after just having puked, asking when will all this stop. It felt like I was taking two steps back for every step forward and I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. She was awesome in reminding me that my white cell count was rising and that the only reason I got sick was from one of the big d meds I was given....not from chemo. I felt so much better after talking with her. I love the really good nurses, they can make all the difference in the world.

Fast forward to today and I am 100% better. White count is now in normal range, can you believe it went from 0.1, to 0.2, then jumped to 1.2 and then to 4.5?? That was yesterday, when I officially engrafted. Today, my wbc's were 7.2! Go white blood cells! Another important factor is that the big d has finally stopped, as of yesterday. whew, I thought it would never end. Plus, I've also been weaned off all the the IV's I've been on. I'm taking everything via pill form now and the only bag I'm hooked up to is fluids. Another good sign I am going home. And I am so ready to see my babies and be at home.

I can't believe I made it through this. There were times when I thought I couldn't or wouldn't be able to handle it, to get through it...but I did. And as much as I struggled through all the lows from the big d, painful stomach cramps, mouth sores, nausea, sickness, fevers, etc...I was spared from some other serious complications from this procedure. So, for that I am grateful.

I'm going to have a busy week of coming back to the hospital every morning for blood work, but that's ok because I will be able to walk out each day into the sun and into the arms of my loving family everyday.

Anxiously waiting until Monday,
--B

Day +7 and I'm still here...

2007-11-06T11:35:00.000-06:00

a little weak and a little tired, but still here. I think the worst is over. It wasn't pretty. I was sick in all the ways you can think of. I didn't eat or drink anything for about 3 days, my lips were as a dry as the desert and my stomach was my worst enemy. The worst part of the entire process has to be the blood transfusions. I've had three so far, but because my counts are so low I get a fever after each one. The worst was Sunday. I had to have two transfusions and that night I thought I was dying. I had a 103 temp that didn't break until Monday morning. They wanted to give me another transfusion yesterday because my rbc's were 7.9 and the transfusion level is 8.0. I asked to wait since my levels were so close, at least give me a day to recover from the night before as I was up every hour in and out of sleep. Remember those old movies where the character is struggling with a high fever, in and out of sleep/consciousness, saying and dreaming weird stuff?? That's what it was like. I swear I thought I saw God. Maybe I did???

I started drinking again a couple of days ago (haha - that sounds funny!) and my appetite is coming back, slowly. My stomach is still not 100%, the big d has been a problem for nearly a week but at least these past two days I'm not cramping like I had been. Morphine had been my friend just because of the cramping. But then she quickly turned on me. I guess an empty stomach plus all the meds does not make a happy combo. So, I ended that friendship rather quickly. I'd rather suffer than puke. Of course, I was able to take some oral pain meds that helped a bit, but there's nothing like IV Morphine...instant gratification. I had my first bite to eat last night and boy do I regret that! I didn't even eat that much either, a half a yogurt, a few spoonfuls of soup and half a Boost milkshake. Big mistake. Let's just say I didn't sleep at all last night!

Today is another story. Immodium is my new friend these days. My docs suggested staying away from Boost and dairy since they are harder to digest. So, I had some rice with a bit of gravy. My appetite is back and I can taste my favorite foods, but after a few spoonfuls I am so full. How unfair is that? Well, I always thought I should at least lose weight if I had to get cancer. So, here it is. Did I mention how much weight I've lost so far? 20lbs. Of course, I gained like 10 of those pounds just from fluids here in the hospital. But I have a feeling I'm still going to lose even after I go home.

I finally got out and walked the floor! It's the first time in probably a week. My poor body, I could really feel it in my legs. I've been doing the lung exercises to keep my lungs up but my muscles have been ignored.

So, here I am. It was a very rough week and it's already a blur for me, all the days merging into one big fog. I'm just glad it's over with. My counts should start coming up any day now, so that means I might be out of here within the next week!!

--B

Day +1...Happy Halloween!

2007-10-31T15:43:00.000-06:00

I had to succumb to the nausea meds, it just got too bad last night. Nothing else exciting to report. The doctors are saying maybe Day +10 to +12 when I can go home!! Trying to take it day by day for now. I started my neupogen shots again, trying to get my white cell count up and running again.

The kids are going to be celebrating Halloween at Grandma's and with Aunt Adrienne. Gabriel will be here with me at the hospital. It's 9 years today that we met. I'm so glad he'll be here tonight.

Until tomorrow!

--B

Day 0 - Happy Birthday to Me!

2007-10-30T13:49:00.000-06:00

Got my stem cells this morning. They gave me some serious Benadryl and that knocked me out until about 1pm today. It was over within thirty minutes and I am officially done with treatment! Now comes the watch and wait for my numbers to bottom out and then climb back up.

I'd say my biggest struggle is drinking enough fluids. I'm just not that thirsty, plus they have me hooked up to some IV fluids.

I'm getting ready to take a walk. I just finished some lunch and am ready to stretch my legs.

Hugs to all!

--B

Day -1...and a pleasant surprise!

2007-10-29T16:08:00.000-06:00

**edited to add**
The nurse just said I'm getting my cells TOMORROW!! Wow!! I'm not going to change my dates, yet again....today is Day -1 and tomorrow is Day 0. Overall, it's going to be a boring procedure, but it's my new Birthday and it means I am one day closer to going home. So, I am aiming for Day +10, that puts me at November 9th. Realistically, we're looking anywhere between Day +10 to Day +14. But, being the overachiever I am that's what I'm hoping for. woohoo!!
****************
I had to change my countdown dates, since I have a day off tomorrow and Day 0 is Wednesday today is actually Day -2. That's ok because I am officially DONE with chemo!! I hope I never see another chemo bag for a very, very long time!! It was just a thirty minute bag but I had my cheeks packed with ice for at least an hour and then I ate some chocolate ice cream. To say the least, I was freezing but I hope it keeps the mouth sores away. We'll find out a week from today, that's when the side effects should be hitting.

I haven't had any more big 'd' episodes, so that's been good. I think. I'm still eating some, just not as much as before. Soup is filling (gasp!), and I'm not that thirsty either. I have to work on getting more fluids in. I did exercise again today. I walked 4x (1 mile!) around this huge ass floor. I refuse to let this sct bring me down and will hopefully be able to walk a mile every day until I get out. I'm not going to lie, it's so hard walking around and seeing the beautiful sky and world outside these windows. I feel like a caged animal sometimes, but I try not to let it get me down too much. I mean, I still have almost 2 weeks left. But to just be able to go outside is something I am looking forward to.
(sigh...)

I got a nice surprise today. A visit from a dear friend, J.B. Thank you for visiting, it was a much needed lift for my spirit!

Off to order dinner and can't wait to watch tonight's Heroes!

--B

p.s. Michelle, thanks for the note! Of course I remember you and I am so touched you sent me a very uplifting message, it's just what I needed! xxoo, b

Day -3...

2007-10-28T17:54:00.000-06:00

Well, the Big D hit today....and I was actually wishing it here after suffering through some serious constipation. I've decided I don't like either. ugh.

On a good note, I finally got to see Gabriel today! That was nice. He brought me some much needed clothes and photos of the kids. I'm going to plaster them all over my room. And I love having my quilts here, I get compliments on them all the time and it gives me a chance to talk to the nurses about my fabulous friends from school and work.

Ok, I took some immodium, am on my last bag of chemo, and am waiting for my pb&j sandwich. Off to watch the baseball game...sorry Mel about those Rockies, I am pulling for them!

--B

Day -4...

2007-10-27T15:32:00.000-05:00

Another boring day, side effects wise. Nothing new to report. I woke up with a little tummy ache aka nausea but got some Zofran for my next chemo and it was gone.

They threw us a Halloween party this afternoon. I just got back from eating cupcakes, cookies, cheesey puffs, and fruit punch. Enough to make you throw up, lol! We were able to decorate our poles and also got to see some of the other sct patients on the floor. It was a lot of fun.

Tomorrow is my last day of this chemo combo, then Monday is Melphalan. Bring it on!

--B

Day -5...

2007-10-26T13:50:00.000-05:00

Well, the effects are slowly starting. I'm not as hungry as I have been and my counts are slowly dropping. I'm also noticing some minor nausea, but nothing that is interfering with my daily activities. I was given the ok to go downstairs and wash some clothes. woohoo! :) So, I got my daily hour long exercise in and now I'm relaxing after eating some lunch. I also stopped by the cybercenter to pick up some videos.

Pretty boring, eh? My nurse told me the really bad effects will start coming around seven days after Melphalan. bleh. My mouth is starting to get little sores, as much as I'm rinsing I think I'm going to get some bad mouth sores. bleh, bleh.

Liz said the blood drive was a success! Thank you to everyone who donated on my behalf. You all are amazing!!

--B

Day -6...

2007-10-25T13:04:00.000-05:00

Counting down to Day 0, that is when I get my stem cells back and when we start counting up to hopefully day +14, when I will get released.

So far, so good. That headache last night kept getting worse, so I asked for some meds and went to sleep. Another restful night....can you believe it? Chemo today has been good. Besides the hot flashes, nothing exciting to report. I am taking my mouthrinse every 30 minutes, I do not want nor need mouth sores right now. I haven't reacted to the new chemo, so that is promising. Oh and I found out the Melphalan is only a 30 minute bag! I told the nurse how could a bag so small cause so much havoc and he just laughed.

It's so beautiful outside right now, it's been clear and cool and I've been couped up inside. boo-hoo. I have a semi-decent view from my room. I did get the all clear to leave the floor after chemo is done. Hopefully the weather will be just as nice so me and 'poley' can enjoy it for a bit. But that won't be until November 1st, at the earliest.

I'm getting ready to don my gear - gloves and mask, so I can take a walk. Haven't done much but listen to music and watch movies on Netflix. I got a promo code for a 30 day free trial, perfect timing and I can watch movies on the laptop. Although, because of the hospital network's high usage it's best to watch early in the morning or late at night.

Today was my blood drive, Liz said it was going to be the best we have ever had. I'm anxious to hear how it turned out. And, Liz was kind enough to coordinate meals through the end of November for Gabriel and the kids. I have been blessed with a generous and gracious boss, co-workers, customers and friends!

Ok, off to walk the halls.

Until tomorrow...

--B

Day -7 and The squeaky wheel...

2007-10-24T19:47:00.000-05:00

aka patient from hell really does get the grease. The stc floors are 11 and 12 here at the hospital. The lymphoma floor is 6. I've never been on the lymphoma floor while having treatment in the past due to the overcrowding issues here. This time around I figured we had to be on the sct floor because it was such an intense procedure. So when I got the call from admissions that my room was ready but it was on 12, I passed it up. 12 is reserved for the allo patients, people getting stem cells from donors. That is considered a protective environment floor and I didn't feel comfortable going there. A few hours later, admissions called again saying my room was ready. Since I had told them I was waiting for a room on 11, I assumed it was on 11. You know what they say about assuming. Come to find out I was assigned to floor 10. I had been on 10 before, as my second treatment was there. It's the melanoma and sarcoma floor. It's also the floor where I had my reaction to etoposide. I don't have good feelings about the floor. The rooms are smaller and there is no bed for visitors. So I am pretty upset that I didn't get on 11 after being told I would. Normally, I am so not the squeaky wheel but this time was different. We're talking about my life here. I told the nurses last night I would not be getting any treatments on that floor. And since I wasn't supposed to be starting chemo until today, I asked not to be disturbed during the night. I ended up getting some much needed sleep. Back to floor 10. I just didn't feel comfortable having nurses take care of me when they've never dealt with the chemo drugs I would be taking. I asked about side affects of the drugs and they didn't know. Also, one of the nurse assistants didn't even know I was there for a sct! I wasn't putting my life in their hands just because they didn't have a room for me. The sct floor deals with these drugs everyday and they know the common reactions and are ready with the right meds to treat you with asap. This is MD Anderson, come on! Last night my nurse ended up telling me all the beds were full and that there were 25 people ahead of me to get in on 11. Who knew so many were getting scts?? So today I didn't let up. Anyone that entered my room, whether it be nurses, nurse assistants or doctors, I asked how it was going finding me a room. I also called my sct doctor and left a vm to see if she could help me get to the floor fast. My goal was to get on 11 and I didn't care how much a pita I was. And you know what? It worked. I got a call from the doctor on call and he said we needed to start treatment today or I would go home. Apparently some sct patients were being delayed due to the bed shortage. So I said ok, I'll start on 10 but I wanted to be sure I was transferred at sometime...preferrably sooner than later. Good thing was that my chemo drug today was short, only a 2 hour bag. This was about 1pm today. At about 4pm I got a call saying I had a room on 11!! WOOHOO! Persistence pays off!

So now I'm settled in and feeling more comfortable knowing I am being cared for by the right team. I am already having some side affects from the chemo, a dull headache and hot flashes. In the past, I got a headache a few times and it came about two days after treatment. So it surprised me that it came so soon. The nurse said if I need any pain meds just let her know. I'm such a sucker for pain, though. Pain=Life. Right???

So, my schedule is like this. Tomorrow through Sunday (the 28th) I get two drugs 24 hrs a day, one of which is etoposide. I can't remember the other one but it starts with A. I'm doing BEAM, I got the B part today. A and E for four days and then ending it Monday with M, Melphalan. That is the nasty one I heard. I know I can tolerate etoposide, and I heard the A is easy as well. Then on the 7th day (the 31st!) is when I should get my stem cells put back in me...they say it's your new birthday = Happy Birthday to me! My life is always changing around Halloween. I met Gabriel on Halloween and we had Olivia around Halloween. How nice to have another life changing event to occur on that day as well. I wonder if we'll be getting any candy here that day? :)

I'm going to try to update this blog everyday. I want something to go back and read to see how it went and how I got through it. We'll see how it goes.

--B

So much harder than I thought it would be...

2007-10-23T09:16:00.000-05:00

Nicholas just left for speech therapy on the bus and he was crying and pulling my shirt, asking if I would be home when he got back. Does he understand I won't? Can he comprehend that I will be gone for so long? My heart is breaking into a million pieces!!! I try so hard to be strong, for myself and for my family but right now I feel anything but strong. I feel scared, tired and sad. I still haven't packed for my trip. I'm just going to take a few things and then have Gabriel or my mom bring the rest in little increments. There's just too much to bring. How do you pack your life into suitcases?

I pray that these weeks go by so fast and that this will soon just be a bittersweet memory for me.

--B

One step closer...

2007-10-22T21:37:00.000-05:00

I am so glad today is over with. After giving ten vials of blood, I was ready for my bone marrow. Well, they were running about an hour behind schedule (surprise, surprise) so I went for my echo first. That was a piece of cake. Ultrasound on my heart wasn't bad at all. It reminded me of being pregnant and seeing the little heartbeating on the screen. Well, mine wasn't so little but you get the picture. Then it was off to the bone marrow department...

So, after having two bone marrow biopsies now (both at MDACC) I can confidently say that there is a difference in who you get. I had a pretty good experience the first time around and I was expecting the same today. Boy was I wrong! My first clue should have been the tech's scrubs...he was wearing a top that said Methodist....ummm, hello...you are at MD Anderson now???? The next clue should have been when he didn't know how to silence the blood pressure machine. oh, great! That's when I started to feel a bit uneasy about his capabilities. There are two people in the room during the bone marrow procedure and I learned why today. Since MDACC is a learning center, the tech performing the biopsy is less experienced than the one supervising. So, when this 6 ft, 200 lb tech was unable to break off a piece of my hip bone I quietly and tearfully requested that the other tech try. Apparently, my hip bone was not willing to give up a part of itself. I knew I had strong bones from the first biopsy, but a short pregnant woman was able to do it and I thought for sure this dude would be able to. Not so. The more experienced tech happened to be a woman and after finding another spot that wasn't quite so sore, she (a whole foot shorter and thinner) was able to do what he couldn't in 5 minutes. Note to self: Next time make sure to demand the more experienced tech to perform the bone marrow biopsy. On the bright side, I don't think I have to worry about falling and breaking my hip bone in the future.

I see my doc at 11am to go over the test results and should be admitted later tomorrow night around 7pm. Let's hope the tests still are negative and that I don't have to do that ever again!

--B

SURPRISE!!

2007-10-21T10:01:00.000-05:00

Since I will be in the hospital on Olivia's birthday (27th), we had a surprise party for her Saturday. One of her friends spilled the beans, so I had to work really hard aka mean mommy to be sure she was really surprised...and she was! Here are some pics from the party. We had fun playing games and eating lots of cake! All in all it was a great time. I still can't believe my 'baby' is 8. It seems like just yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital, this tiny 7lb beautiful baby girl and now here she is turning 8 going on 18! Time flies by and I plan on enjoying every minute of this wild ride.

The birthday girl finally arrives...Surprise!!!

Having fun and goofing off with friends...

Olivia and Taylor strike a pose...Maggie, Olivia and Taylor

Wearing one of her gifts and riding one of them!

Make a wish!!

Happy Birthday, baby!

Love Always,
Mommy

Tickling my heart and other ouches for today...

2007-10-19T00:10:00.000-05:00

Ok, so today I went in to change out my huge catheter for a smaller one. Let me try to give you a visual of what is in me. The picc line in my arm was a 5f, then the catheter that went in my collarbone area was an 11F and now they replaced that with a 7f catheter. Don't ask me what the f stands for, I'm just trying to compare the size difference of the three catheters. The picc line was for the salvage chemo I did recently and the 11f was for the collection of the stem cells (they had to have a big catheter to allow enough blood to be collected at once). Now that collection is over, I get a smaller one for the remainder of my treatment.

The picc line insertion was a breeze, I didn't feel a thing and they only used a local anesthesia. The collarbone cvc was a lot more uncomfortable, to say the least. Apparently they had to dig a tunnel (their terminology) and go through my muscle to do it. Luckily, I not only had a local but also an anti-anxiety shot to help calm me down. Well, this time around there was only a local and I wished I had the anti-anxiety drug. You know you're in for it when the tech says "Let me know if I tickle your heart." Tickle my heart?!?! WTF does that mean and why are you doing it??? My catheter is on my right side, so I asked him (just to be sure) why he was so close to my heart which is located on my left side. Well, he said my heart is actually closer in the middle of my chest. We need to inform all the millions of little kids out there - YOU'RE PUTTING YOUR HAND IN THE WRONG SPOT WHEN YOU SAY THE PLEDGE!! lol. At first I didn't feel anything different and thought I would skip the heart tickle. No such luck. As soon as it happened I knew what he meant by tickling my heart. It felt like my heart was fluttering and skipping beats. It was really weird but thankfully only lasted a second, although it made me lightheaded. As soon as he finished and pulled out the ginormous catheter I felt this warm woosh of liquid run down my shoulder. I knew immediately what that was. After having four kids naturally, any woman knows what that is. Warm blood rushing out. bleh. So now I've got this size 11f hole and he's putting a size 7f catheter in it. No wonder he kept pressing on it when he was done. The hole will close up around the smaller line, now I just have to make sure it doesn't bleed too much until then. And they said this wasn't going to hurt. Liars!

I also got a call from the coordinator. I will be having to redo the bone marrow (boo!) and echo on Monday. I will then see my doctor Tuesday as well as be admitted. I'll probably start chemo Wednesday, she likes to wait until the next day. At least that's how it was last time. I'm shooting to get out November 15th or anytime sooner. And then around December 15th I can take this catheter out and feel normal again!

But for right now, we'll take it day by day.

--B

SCT - Part 2...

2007-10-18T08:10:00.000-05:00

It's been a crazy week. My mom has been in the hospital since Monday night after having excrutiating stomach pains and bloody diarrhea. After much testing and worrying, it appears she has two benign tumors on her liver with the biggest one measuring 7cm. Her PET scan came back negative (thank God!) and she's going to be discharged sometime today. Her bleeding has stopped and she's feeling better with each day. She will be seeing a doctor at MD Anderson to see how they want to handle the tumors. For a minute there we thought we might be sharing rooms together. I am so relieved it's not cancer. I don't think I could have handled the sct and my mom's potential illness at the same time.

I'm back on track after having some time away from the hospital, well MD Anderson. I go in today to change out my catheter and then I'm supposed to see my doctor tomorrow. The coordinator said my bone marrow and echo tests were more than two months ago, so she was going to ask the doctor is she needed me retested. I am praying that I don't have to go through testing again. If I do, it will be Monday and then I will get admitted Tuesday for my 3 week (hopefully!) stay. I'm still waiting to hear back from them about the tests since nothing is scheduled yet.

So I finally have arrived for the sct. It's been a long three month journey and I am more anxious to get it over with than nervous about actually doing it. I'm just so ready to get on with my life post cancer. In January it will be two years of dealing with the hodge and I am ready to bury it for good!!

--B

Pumpkin Patch!

2007-10-13T22:37:00.001-05:00

What a beautiful day it was today. Luckily, I was finished with everything at MDACC by 10:00 a.m., which meant I was able to enjoy the rest of the day mostly going here and there but we ended it by hitting a pumpkin patch at our local church. Can't wait to carve these suckers....

--B

Part 1 is over!!

2007-10-12T22:44:00.000-05:00

YAY! I finished my collection today and I almost made it without using the bed pan. lol. I didn't eat or drink anything after 9:00 a.m. but those darn fluids got to me yet again. This time, I only had like 20 minutes left but I just couldn't hold it any longer. Oh well, at least that part is over.

I spent another long day at MDACC, 9 hours total!! My nurse told me my rbc's were low again and this procedure tends to lower them even more. After I was done collecting I was scheduled to get yet another blood transfusion. A huge Thank You to the person who donated on 10/03/07!! So, I finished at around 5:30 p.m. went to have some dinner and then went back at 6:30 p.m. to see if I could get in a bit earlier since they had originally scheduled me for a 9:00 p.m. transfusion. It worked! I was finally out of there at 9:15 p.m. Ugh, what a long day! But Melanie was kind enough to stay with me the entire time. And I met the coolest lady who was my neighbor today. We're scheduled to go into the sct around the same time. She reminds me of the Hallmark character Maxine. She's older and feisty and had us laughing practically the entire time there. We made a deal. She's bringing the cards and I'm bringing the dice and we'll meet up everyday for some games. lol.

I have to go back tomorrow morning for some labwork (they never stop!). I will see my sct doctor either Tuesday or Friday and then we'll go from there. So, this next week will be my off week and then comes the sct. Almost there.

--B

Ok, so I'm no collection diva...

2007-10-12T09:49:00.001-05:00

Maybe a collection diva-in-training since I only collected 3.96 million, which means I get to do this one more time this afternoon. Oh well, this time I'll have company. One of Seth's friends' mom is taking me today. She too has 4 kids, her youngest is in Seth's grade. She's a real superwoman, taking my kids along with hers to swimming and such when I was undergoing chemo and coming back still smiling!

Well, it wasn't the news I wanted to hear but at least I know I will be done today. yippee!!

--B

Collection Day!!

2007-10-11T19:51:00.000-05:00

So I just spent 12 hours at MDACC but that's ok because my counts were good enough to start collecting!! WOO-HOO!! And, my cdw-30 was 90K!! I don't know what it means, I just know everyone was really impressed by it and thought I would be able to get my 5 million stem cells in one sitting. Ok, so I'm not going to get my hopes up but I am secretly wishing that we did get it all today. I find out tomorrow morning around 10 a.m. I still have to go in at 12:30 for some blood work but if I am the collection diva that they think I am it will be a short visit. If not, that's ok but I'll have to collect again tomorrow afternoon. It wasn't bad at all, with the exception of the bed pan. I knew that once you got hooked up to the nifty blood machince you couldn't move, not even to go the the little ladies room. So I went minutes before I started, thinking I got this in the bag. WRONG! They also give you lots of fluids through an IV to keep you hydrated. As hard as I tried I couldn't hold it in any longer. I had a neighbor to the right of me, so that was even more uncomfortable. Now, not only did I have to go really, really badly but then I had to make sure it came out slowly so I wouldn't a) make a mess and b) let everyone know what I was doing. But then again, they did know since my curtains were pulled and she walked in with a bed pan. That was the most exciting part of the afternoon. Fun, eh? It only took 3 hours as well, and that went by rather quickly. I jammed to my music and actually dozed off for a few minutes. I'm sure talking to Mel half the time helped as well! Thanks for being there with me, M. :)

Dates keep getting pushed back...

2007-10-09T00:28:00.000-05:00

Got a call from my sct nurse today and because I received blood Sunday we need to wait three days to check my counts. So, that means my Tuesday appt. is cancelled and Thursday is set...of course I have to be there by 8:00 a.m. I hate early morning appts. I'm just getting to bed when I have to get up just to be on the road to fight rush hour traffic. bleh. Anyway, if my counts are good then we could possibly start collecting Thursday. That's exciting. But for now, it's just a wait and see. Oh, I should also start feeling the side effects of the Neupogen shots since my white cell count is starting to come up...bone aches, joint aches, back aches, any kind of aches it's because of the shots. I had one night of aches while taking Neulasta (same kind of medicine) after my chemo treatments last time, so I'm hoping it won't be that bad this time around either. Keep your fingers crossed!

Oh, and guess what Liz scheduled?!? She's holding a special MD Anderson blood drive just for me at the building on October 25th from 10:00 a.m. to 2:45 p.m. How cool is that? Not to mention it's also a huge relief knowing I could have blood reserved for me while I'm in the hospital and not have to worry about any shortages. They are constantly running short of blood at MD Anderson and I will most likely need more transfusions during and after the sct. Since my body is still recovering from the chemo treatments and this next sct chemo treatment is going to be the big daddy of them all, it's going to really make my body weak. Just another reason why I love the people I work with and the company I work for.

--B

I vahnt to suck you're bluuuuddd.....

2007-10-07T22:52:00.000-05:00

But only if you're Type O Positive. All you other ones can go somewhere else. lol! I just spent my entire Sunday afternoon at MD Anderson. If you hadn't guessed it, my rbc's were 7.7 and my platelettes were 15. So, that meant this little lady was getting hooked up to some blood. Unfortunately, it took about 4 hours to even get the blood. Gabriel, Seth, Valerie and I went to have a little lunch before they dropped me back off at the hospital for the rest of the day.

Although it was a shaky start (my cvc line wasn't returning any blood, so I had to cough, lift my arm and do the chicken dance to get some blood coming out), all else went smoothly. The platelettes were first and took a little over an hour to empty the bag. Then the rbc's came and those took about two hours. A peanut butter sandwich and cheese crackers were my dinner. Nice, eh? Remarkably, I feel better already! I was so tired and weak this entire weekend, dealing with bloody noses, headaches and bruising from low platelettes that I was ready to get 'recharged'. Nicholas and I are jamming to music on the computer as I type this. :)

To the person who donated blood on 9/26/07 - Thank you! And a huge Thank you to the person who donated platelettes, especially since those are bit more time consuming to do. I realized today that I have now lost my ability to donate blood - EVER. I knew I wasn't in shape to donate anytime soon, but I always thought once I was over with cancer that I would be donating right along everyone else. Nope, once you have cancer that's it for you. You move over to the other side of the donation table. One of those rights we all have but don't realize how special it is until it's gone. So, for anyone out there reading this, please donate blood and platelettes (if you're up to it!) as often as you can.

You never know whose life you are saving.

--B

p.s. If you're in Houston, you can even donate blood just for me. Just go to MD Adnerson and donate, then tell them who you want your blood or platelettes to go to. Pretty nifty.

SCT Part 1 - continued....

2007-10-06T06:42:00.000-05:00

I went in Friday for my blood work. Most everything is fine, low, but fine. I have to come back Sunday for more bloodwork. Apparently, my rbc's were 8.5 and platelettes were 40, and are expected to go lower over the weekend. If they dip below 8 and 20 then I will need to get a lovely transufsion of rbc's and platelettes. No big deal. I had to get some blood while I was in the hospital because my rbc's were low, and all went fine. After that, I head back to the hospital Tuesday for more testing to see how my wbc's are doing. Friday, they were 1.3, down from 5.1 three days earlier. Still waiting for those Neuopogen shots to start doing their magic. Once the nurse sees the wbs count at a certain level, then we can start collecting (and I can stop injecting myself!). The only other thing I had to address was my magnesium. Apparently, this chemo I took affects your potassium and magnesium levels. Potassium levels were normal (yay!) but mag levels were low. I was able to pick up some tablets at Walgreens, adding yet another pill to swallow for someone who can't even do a jello shot! lol!!

What's funny is that I felt better today than the rest of the week, even though by going off of my counts you would have that it was the opposite. I'm on Cloud 9, wrapped in love from all my family and friends! The mind is a wonderful thing!

Remember the sct apn nurse, Jill? I love her. At today's appointment she was already talking about when I get released! I need to look into staying at an apt. or hotel nearby, since I have to return to the hospital the following day after discharge. It should just be for one day, so I'm ok with that. I just thought how wonderful to be talking about stuff to do after this procedure...I was having a hard time thinking about anything but the hospital stay. That's where the road ended for me and I couldn't seem to see past it. So hearing her talk like my release will be here sooner than later was really hopeful.

Part 1 is almost over....and within a week we should know the schedule for Part 2.

Almost there.

--B

God not only listens...

2007-10-05T16:24:00.001-05:00

but he speaks through angels like you and me. I started this week below empty, and yet through the love of friends and family I am topping out at full!!

Work has always been real good to me. I love the company I work for and I love the people I work with. They came through again for me this week. We received a lovely package from them just now, one for me and one for Olivia (an early birthday present - Hannah Montana board game which was a HIT!). One of our customers, Marilyn K., quilts and she was the one who orchestrated this beautiful masterpiece! What I love is that even though everyone is either a Crescent employee, customer or vendor, their love and support is universal and they are all considered friends. I'm all out of tissue this week, but it's due to the good kind of tears. Happy tears, joyful tears, thankful tears.

My camera doesn't do any justice, so you'll have to believe me when I say this is beautiful! My kids seem to think so as well!

Liz, Lara, Rosemary, Ali, Mary, Warren, Robert, Gay, Kelly, Monica, Emily, Rhonda, Claudia, Michelle, Jim, Jose, Olivia, Kim, Mike M., Mike F., Becky, Phyllis, Lester, Barbara, Sam Juana, Candice, Neftali, Antoinnette, Debbie, Kathy, Dorothy, Brenda, Herman, Robin, Skip, Donald, Tom and especially Marilyn (the talented quilt maker!) - Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Words can't begin to describe how touched I am at your genersosity and caring, and I must say I am impressed at some of ya'lls art work! :) The words on the quilt will provide me the strength to get through this last hurdle.

May God bless each of you as much as he has blessed me.

Love,
--B

Back home and second winds...

2007-10-04T15:08:00.000-05:00

Wow, this time around was really different than my previous treatments. They did chemo at higher dosages non-stop for 3 days. Coming home I thought I felt fine, albeit attached via a backpack to fluids and zofran for 24 hours, but I was alert and hungry. So, my sister and I stopped to get a bite to eat which turned into a hair raising experience for her! Midway through lunch I excused myself for the little ladies room only to find that I had neither the energy nor the ability to carry what seemed like 50 tons of iv fluids. Somehow, I made it back to the dining area but beelined straight to a bench. A floor would have sufficed, but since we were in public I didn't want to embarrass my sis. The only thing keeping me from unconsciousness was the fact that I would be going back to a hospital. Seeing that I just left a 5 day stay, that was not happening. So, I kept my focus on the bowl of mints on the coffee table next to me and thankfully, within minutes of a fan being turned on above me, I was coming around. The only other time I've felt like that was when I got overheated at an amusement park. But even then I didn't feel as weak as I felt right then when lifting my arm took all the strength it had in me. That was scary. And that is why you don't do chemo and drive. Poor Adrienne, I bet it will be a long time before we do lunch again.

So, the first few days were slower recovering for me too. My mind was racing and alert but my body just couldn't keep up. I tried updating this blog sooner, but after a few keystrokes it felt like I had just done a thousand push ups. So, I rested and gave my body what it needed. Thankfully, yesterday and today I am feeling more like myself and am able to do my normal activities without the need for pillows or a mattress.

Second winds come right when you need them most. You can't make them happen any faster or any slower. I was feeling pretty wiped out emotionally earlier this week on top of being physically exhausted. It had been a lonely stay in the hospital and it felt like I used up all my reserved strength getting through it. My skin looks patchy - that's the chemo burning it and now it's scaling off bit by bit (ewww, sorry if it's tmi). I've gained 10lbs (that was hard earned weight that I had lost after gaining weight during the first treatment). I feel like I'm 50 going through menopause, these hot flashes are really starting to annoy me. And the list could go on and on....So when Gabriel was dropping me off at the hospital Tuesday morning to remove the back pack of fluids and check my counts, I lost it. I just felt so tired and I wanted this process just be over with. Poor Gabriel. He seems to get the brunt of it just because he's there. He was kind enough to surprise me this last visit and redo our room so that it was more relaxing for me to recover in. He painted everything, got new fixtures, mirrors, lamps, etc...And here I am getting angry that he's dropping me off when I knew that was the only way we could do it that morning. But I knew I wasn't angry at him. I was angry at this entire process and what I thought it has taken from me. I was angry that I had to go back to the hospital after I had just spent the last 5 days there. I was angry that I am still not finished with treatment. I was angry at cancer. So, I gathered up my big girl panties and sucked it in. God has a funny way of sending you angels just when you need them most. That happened to me twice Tuesday. Once was the sct clinic nurse, Jill. She is one of those people that light up a room with their energy and charisma. She immediately brightened up my day, not to mention saying bye bye to the bag of fluids was refreshing as well. So, then I got to ride home in style. Dad picked me up in the Hummer. Ahh, that's a nice ride. A little luxury never hurt anyone, right? Ok, so my day isn't as bad as it was starting out to be. Then, I get this lovely package from my dear friend Melinda. Well, it turns out it was from many more dear friends.

Inside was a beautiful quilt made by my wonderful Illinois Alpha Pi Beta Phi sorority sisters. Words can't begin to describe how I felt unwrapping something so beautiful and yet so personal. Reading the letter from Melinda, knowing you all took the time to lift my spirits meant so much to me. It really touched my heart and I can't thank each of you enough. My spirit thanks you. I swear, I called Melinda the first time bawling and I hadn't even opened up all the cards yet! So, you can imagine my surprise when I get through all the wonderful and funny cards and I find three American Express Gift Card envelopes. So I called her a second time, bawling again. Speechless. Just speechless. I hate the fact that cancer brought us together, but I love the fact that cancer brought us together. The quilt is beautiful and when I slept with it Tuesday night I could really feel the warmth and love that is in each of your squares. I like to think of it as one big group hug!! :) It is going to become a family heirloom and I am so proud to call all of you not only my friends but my sisters. What's funny is some of the stories you remember I had 'somehow' forgotten! So, it was a very nice trip down memory lane to one of my favorites destinations - Monmouth College! The cards, awesome personalized CD and quilt will be making a trip with me to MD Anderson on my last inpatient visit ever!! I also have to thank Mrs. Colleen Cudney and Emily for putting it all together for me (cuz we know Mel doesn't sew! haha!) . Amy B., Deb, Alicia, Tibbie, Vicki, Amy C., Beth, Colleen, Lindholm, Lisa, Melissa, Jill, Sharon, Kara, Westby, Jenny, Mary Beth, Crisco, Molly and Mel - I love you all for it and know that I am forever indebted to each of you.

Here are some photos of me, the kids and the beautiful quilt:

Ok, so back to reality....Off to the hospital I go tomorrow just for routine blood work and to see how the neupogen shots are doing. (I have to give myself two injections per day so my white cell count can skyrocket!) Then we're looking at collecting my stem cells next Tuesday or Wednesday and then I get a week off to recover and ensure my body is healthy prior to the sct BEAM chemo. I'm looking at admission the week of October 22nd and getting released the week of Thanksgiving. It will definitely be a special holiday this year with much thanks to be given.

I am so almost there, but my body and mind have felt weakened through this entire process. Must push on!! LIVE STRONG!! (I'm currently reading Lance's second book - Every Second Counts)

So, here's to my second wind, my special angels and God's love. All that I need to face this last hurdle of the process.

With much, much love,
--B

p.s. Thank you tia Mary Jane for the cards, the kids love getting them. :)
p.p.s. or p.s.s.?! Since this was a monster of a blog, it took me a few days to get it all down on paper - so to speak. I hope you have enjoyed the photos of baldylocks!!

SCT Part 1 - Here's the plan...

2007-09-25T21:05:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I met with my sct doc today as well as infusion therapy regarding my picc line. Signed away my life, literally, with sct doc and had a tour of the aspherasis department. I am getting admitted tomorrow night and will most likely stay 5 days. This part of the chemo is only two of the three drugs I had with ICE. Now I'll just be getting the I and the E parts, only at slightly higher dosages. After getting out of the hospital I will start giving myself Neupogen shots on Day 6, which should put me at Tuesday. I'm still not clear how long I will be giving myself the shots, but I'm thinking it should not be more than a week. After that comes the collection part. I go to the hospital and stay hooked up for around 4 hours each day until they collect 5 million stem cells! (I'm hoping I can get it done in one day, again the overachiever in me coming out!). They tell me it is all quite boring. Boring I can handle. Boring I like. And that is the end of Part 1.

Tomorrow morning I go in to get my picc line removed (yay!) and my cvc line in my chest inserted. The picc lines are just too thin for the huge amounts of blood that will be collected and restored in me, so I get some fatter lines in my chest. Get to go home for the rest of the afternoon until admission time, which should be around 7 p.m.

It was a very busy day today. After leaving the hospital, I stopped by my office to see my wonderful boss and colleagues. I can't believe it's been 2 months since I haven't been at work! Time has just flown by. It was so nice seeing everyone, but I forgot my camera!!! Oh well, I'll go back after the sct and take some pics to post.

I also went shopping today. Not just any kind of shopping, like for groceries, gas, for the kids, etc... No, this was shopping just for mommy, me, Brandy. It was nice to have a little retail therapy. I even bought myself a new digital camera lens for my Nikon. Up until now, I've been using my film lens. Watch out Ansel Adams. LOL!

Although I'm a little anxious and nervous (ok, a lot!), I am just so ready to get this over with. I should have a laptop while I'm in the hospital, so I will try to post updates as often as I can.

--B

It's not about me...and why I can't have flowers...

2007-09-22T04:38:00.000-05:00

I'm half asleep and I realized that all this I am going through is for my kids. I want to live for them. I am surviving for them. They give me strength. And being away from them for nearly the entire month of October is going to be so hard on them as well as myself. Especially when I will most likely be in the hospital over Olivia's birthday. Here I was thinking of myself, worried how I would be doing in the hospital alone and yet my kids are going to be the ones suffering more. I am all they know right now, I am their security blanket and I won't be there for awhile.

So, I take back my request for gifts in the hospital. Instead, I want to brighten my kids' world as much as possible while I am gone. Would all my angels out there kindly send cards and/or gifts to my kids while I am in the hospital? I think this will only help them through this tough time. They love getting mail; a letter or card saying how brave they are, how much I love them will make their day. I plan on doing the same. My goal is to try to mail one everyday I am in the hospital. I think I will need to pre-everything (address, write and lick), that way I won't be too tired to do all that and I can just give it to the volunteer to take down to mail. For safety reasons, I won't post our address. If you would like to do this, please feel free to call or email Liz, Lara or Melinda and they will be happy to give you the information.

Oh, one more thing. I've been told that that are no plants or flowers allowed in my room and now I know the exact reason why...read on:

"Invasive fungal infections are a major cause of morbidity and mortality in patients with profound neutropenia or with severe immunosuppression. As Aspergillus and other mould species are ubiquitous, numerous reservoirs have been identified. Mould infection in susceptible patients results basically from respiratory exposure to conidia present in the air and on objects that surround the patients. In this review, protective environmental measures directed at airborne transmission and other less frequent mechanisms of transmission of moulds, as well as their effectiveness, are analysed."

Ok, so now plants or flowers - got it? :-)

Love,
B

We are good to go!

2007-09-20T09:07:00.000-05:00

Just got a call from my case manager that insurance has approved the transplant!! WOOHOO!! This morning I see the dentist to replace this temp filling with a permanent one, and I was just now able to chew without any pain and there he goes again irritating my poor tooth again! Then, I am scheduled to see the sct doctor Tuesday and I'm sure I'll be getting admitted either that day or Wednesday to start the collection process.

Finally, things are rolling along again.

Love,
B

Just my luck...

2007-09-17T15:38:00.000-05:00

Ok, so over the weekend I started getting this sharp pain in the same tooth that got filled last week at the dentist's office. Uh-oh, not a good sign. Sure enough, after squeezing me in they said I needed to have either a root canal or extract the tooth. WHAT?!?! So much for not doing any major work on my teeth, per the sct dept's nurse. I had my dentist talking with the sct department to ok the root canal. Once I got the green light we were good to go, or so I thought. Insert needle here and wait 10 minutes. I'm supposed to be waiting for my lip to get numb but nothing. Ok, insert shot number 2 and wait 10 minutes. Ummm, still nothing. What is going on here? So, with a partially numb mouth my dentist (who specializes in cowards, which is why I am there) says we can do it if I can let him drill really fast into my tooth even though I'm not fully numb. Welcome to my life. This is exactly why I hate dentist's office, and he confirmed that I am difficult to numb. Something about my muscles being thicker than most. I don't know, all I know is as always I felt something and that something hurt like you know what. But it was over within seconds and he was able to numb the inside of my tooth and then it was all right after that. Well, up until the anesthesia wore off - that was worse than labor, I actually had tears in my eyes. My mouth is still incredibly sore, but at least I have some nice pain meds on hand. Who knew this would be worse than chemo???? Well, I'm not completely done. He just started it and will top it off Thursday. My sct mobilization got pushed back a week, so it looks like Monday I will be starting the process. Let's hope nothing else comes up! It was my own fault anyhow, had I not procrastinated about getting the broken tooth fixed in the first place I wouldn't be here. But now you know why I don't like the dentist.

If I can get through this, I know the sct will be a breeze!

Off to brush, gurgle and rinse...

--B

Better late than never...

2007-09-16T13:52:00.001-05:00

In all the excitement of taking Olivia and Seth to school on their first day, I forgot to take pictures! (chemo brain at work, see?!?) It's a little late, but here they are my first and second graders. And I must say I did not cry until I was leaving....that's pretty good for me!

Olivia (a proud 2nd Grader) and Seth (excited to be in 1st Grade!)

Goofing around with their Webkinz (these things are apparently all the rage!)

Valerie sneeking in the picture!

Love,
B

Life as usual...

2007-09-16T13:33:00.000-05:00

What I love about life is that it doesn't care what you are going through, the sun still rises and sets, clouds move in, it rains, then the sun shines through again and life goes on. So this is my life goes on post regarding my two sons.

I'm proud to say I have a Tiger Cub and a cubbie-to-be! Seth recently joined the Boy Scouts as a Tiger Cub and Nicholas went to his first meeting with Seth and sat intently, listening and nodding in agreement. He was so excited that he wants to join now as well. I haven't broken the bad news to him, that he has to wait until 1st grade. Poor kid! :) So, while we were out getting Seth's uniform we came across an adorable Little Scout Buddy shirt. That way I'll have a Tiger Cub and Little Scout Buddy as well. :) Here are some pics of the both of them. By the way, Seth has not taken off his uniform all weekend. He would sleep in it if he could. And he read his manual so much that the binding has already come undone and it's being held together by clear duct tape. I think the Boy Scouts is going to be a good fit for Seth. Our household is filling up quickly with boy and girl scouts. I am one proud momma. :)

Seth, the proud Tiger Cub!

Nicholas, the cubbie-to-be!

Love,
B

Me = 2 Cancer = Big Fat 0

2007-09-14T15:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I went and had my PET/CT scan done early this morning at MDACC. I was pretty calm and relaxed considering this test would show any cancer activity. Normally, results don't get back to the doctor until the next day. So when I went in to see my doctor to discuss rescheduling the mobilization chemo since my insurance had not yet approved the procedure, I was completely shocked and surprised when the first thing out of her mouth was that I was in REMISSION!! It didn't sink in at first, so I asked her to repeat that. Of course, I started bawling and hugging her. I was hoping for remission and felt good, but I was not thinking she would have the results so soon. WOOHOO!!! I thanked God, I thanked my doctor, I thanked all my friends and family across the country praying for me. Thank you.

So, back to the sct process. My insurance case manager said I should have an approval either late this afternoon or definitely Monday. Now, we're looking at admission to the hospital either Tuesday or Wednesday. And for some more good news, I will only be getting 3 days of chemo and not 5. What a relief! Could this day get any better??? My onc said if there are any cancer cells lingering around that did not show up on the PET, these next two rounds of chemo will get rid of it. Not only did I get the awesome news that the cancer is gone, but I also get to spend the next few days feeling good and relaxing before the next part of this process begins.

There are two other young gentlemen who are going through the same exact treatment and we're scheduled to have the sct around the same time. It'll be nice to know I won't be alone on the sct floor during my 3 week stay. :)

I have been so appreciative and grateful for all the angels around me. I normally don't play the 'cancer card', but after reading Crazy, Sexy Cancer Tips that my dear friend Melinda sent there was a whole section on this, and some people have asked how they could reach me at the hospital. So, if you feel like sending me something to rally me on, I will gladly accept it. I mean, if I can't ask for gifts when I have cancer then when can I?!? :) So, while I'm in the hospital for the 3 week stay I will gladly be accepting gifts, cards and/or balloons of all kinds - Happy Birthday, Get Well, Congrats, Just Because...LOL!! But please don't feel obligated, I promise to still love you with or without the gifts....pinky promise!

Here is how you can reach me:

Brandy H. Vargas
The University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center
1515 Holcombe Blvd
Houston, TX 77030
1-800-392-1611 / 1-713-792-6161

But, first things first. I need to collect these stem cells and that will get done over the next few weeks. So, off to celebrate with my family the wonderful news we got today. Keep those prayers coming, they are so working!!!!

With Much, Much Love,
B

On again, off again....

2007-09-12T21:44:00.000-05:00

Well, as of Tuesday the insurance had not approved it. They had required I meet with the social worker as a condition upon approval. The sct nurse said they just want to make sure I'm not crazy - I guess they don't want to pay for looney people or they want to make sure they get their money's worth??? Gosh, if they only knew the real me....haha!! j/k

Friday is still up in the air. If I am not approved, I will not be admitted and if I am approved then I will be. Nothing like waiting until the last minute. I did go to the dentist today and everything is good to go! Did I ever mention my phobia of the dentist? That's a whole other blog.

Tomorrow I have absolutely nothing planned or scheduled! YAY! It's been such a busy week of running around, hospital visits, scans, dentist appt.,etc...I finally have a day off to relax and get ready for Friday's long day at the hospital. The day begins with a PET scan, meet with sct doctor and then meet with my lymphoma doctor before possibly getting admitted. Think NED, think NED, think NED (no evidence of disease). Or at least shrinkage of the tumor. They will still do the sct even if I am not in full remission, but I would like to be in full remission. Just the over-achiever in me coming out. :)

Love,
B

Chemo Brain is 4 REAL!!

2007-09-12T21:19:00.000-05:00

It's a known fact that people who receive chemo treatments tend to get a little fuzzy in the brain area. That's been a real struggle for me. I have always had an excellent memory but lately my brain and the rest of my body are just not in sync. If you ever scratch your head after reading something on this blog and wonder "What the hell did she just say?!?", it's really not me being stupid but rather it's CHEMO BRAIN! It's even worse in person. I am so glad I am not working and having to interact with people on a daily basis. Most times I'll be talking like a normal person, but then words sneak out that make absolutely no sense whatsoever and I don't catch myself until after they've come out. Sometimes words don't even get a chance to come out at all, but rather my tongue gets stuck to the roof of my gum and all I can muster is blah-blah-blah because I can't seem to put the words together to make a coherent sentence! Prime example of chemo brain at it's best - I am trying really hard to remember something I said today and then had to laugh off due to chemo brain but I can't even give you an example...it's that bad. I think I'll start a chemo brain moment list, it should be real fun to read after treatment is over.

Thankfully, chemo brain is only temporary. So, what's your excuse??? :P

From 0-60 in a matter of seconds...

2007-09-06T09:54:00.001-05:00

Ok, so as of Friday my timeline was something like this - 3 weeks until my restaging tests (CT/PET/Bone Marrow) and then start the SCT process. We were still waiting on my insurance to approve and it could take this long. So, I was preparing myself for a late Sept. start. I was ok with that. I was actually looking forward to a little break, having a few weeks of feeling good rather than one. I was starting to plan a surprise birthday party for Gabriel, do some shopping, etc...Although it was moving slower than I had anticipated, I was starting to look forward to the down time.

Someone turned on warp speed and I'm still trying to catch my breath. I got my schedule in the hospital and it turns out my insurance must have approved the sct procedure because all of a sudden I am booked through September. I have a complete lung function test this Friday, my CT scans next Tuesday and then my PET scan next Friday, the 14th. I am also scheduled to be admitted that day. Admitted for what, I don't know but I am assuming it will be part 1 of the sct process - mobilization of my stem cells. So, that's 5 days of chemo and then coming back to collect my stem cells. Wow, I was hoping it would be this soon but I was getting used to having a break from chemo. Now, I am just trying to figure out what to do first and if I am really, really ready to do this. It's kind of like giving birth I guess, whether or not you're ready it's going to happen. I also hate the fact I will be admitted the day before Gabriel's birthday. I feel so bad! Since we've been married something always happens near his birthday and it's always been an inside joke between us, like what's going to happen this year?? Gosh, at this rate I think we're going to skip his birthday for a while. I just wanted to make him something special and now I'll be in the hospital and he'll be alone with 4 kids. Happy Birthday, Baby.

--B

Treatment # 3 - CHECK!

2007-09-06T08:50:00.000-05:00

Ok, so my doctor's office called and asked if I could come in an hour earlier...something about labor day weekend, doctor's plans, I don't know....lol. So, my sister and I head off to the hospital for my final round of salvage chemo.

Here is one of the lovely lymphoma dept. nurses, Clover, who has been my angel this entire time.

One of the many puzzles located throughout the waiting room, this one was fairly simple and yet my sister had the urge to pull apart every little piece. :)

After getting the go ahead for round # 3 (my blood count was good!), receiving my admission papers and since the usual wait for admission to MDACC is hours long, we met my dad at Mo Mong's, a local restaurant for some yummy spring rolls, pot stickers and rice!

Since I was with my crazy sister and we still had a few hours to spare, we hit the roads of Houston and acted like whacky tourists!

Here we are in front of this fountain that I must have driven by millions of times since living in Houston!

Ok, if I wasn't a cone head before....

We unknowingly parked right next to this park. I had no idea this was here, all the time I've lived here, so I took it as a very good sign.

So, my sister had never been to the Houston Zoo, well she wasn't missing anything but it was a chance to check something off her life list....

Ok, it seems the only thing these animals were doing were sleeping, pissing or crapping....

Isn't there a joke about this??? Bear making #2!

Mighty Tiger making, a very long might I say, #1

Look, we found Nemo! (I know corny, just humor me!)

It was time for our carousel ride. Here we are before mounting my mighty meerkat and Adrienne getting on her tiny tiger. :)

After a few hours, we were hot and thirsty. To our surprise, none of the vending places were open. On our way out we stopped by the gift shop to get some water. Our luck, it was buy 1 get 2 free from the vending maching day. Shhh..just don't let the gift shop know - haha!

Well, the fun had to end sometime. It was time to check in.

Here we are waiting for my bags. Funny, whenever nurses came in Adrienne leapt out of bed.

Me pretending to know what to do at a piano table. My sister suggested dancing on it....lol!

Me and mom walking around with poley

All in all, treatment # 3 was pretty uneventful. You know you're not doing so bad when all your doctor can say is "Ok, we'll just be babysitting you." I didn't get as bad headaches either as last time. And I even got some new pain meds for this. Oh well! :) I'm just glad this part is over.

--B

On the eve of treatment #3...

2007-08-30T20:21:00.000-05:00

And I haven't even packed for the hospital yet...can you tell I am procrastinating? I don't have to be there until noon tomorrow, so it's not that big of a deal. I can't believe treatment #3 is finally here, I didn't think it would take a month but that is just me being impatient. I am looking forward to my CT/PET and bone marrow tests to confirm remission.

So, off to gather my clothes (I absolutely will not be seen in that horrid gown!), slippers, soaps, lotions, books, music and must have hard candy for my lovely stay at MDACC. As always for any trip I tend to overpack but hey, you just never know when you will need what....right?? ;-P

See y'all on the other side next week!

--B

The Fuzz is gone...

2007-08-25T08:18:00.000-05:00

Last night I would notice tons of tiny hairs where my head had just been. I knew the rest of my hair was coming out, I just didn't know it would be such a long and painful process. The top of my head felt like porcupine hair. Gone was the soft baby hair and in it's place was dry, dead, brittle hair that left my scalp super sensitive and irritated. Because I had some kind of breakout on my head, I was unable to shave it clean. But I couldn't take another night of waking up covered in hairs and having my hairs all over the pillows or sofa. Gabriel came up with the idea to rub out the dead hair with a wet washcloth and it worked. It wasn't too painful and before you knew it I was looking like Mr. Clean's long lost wife! :) I was pretty freaked out at first. I kept having these images of Dan Akroid in Cone Heads, although my head isn't cone shaped it's white as can be, kind of like a farmer's tan only on my head. I need to look up how to take care of it, do I still need to wash it, moisturize it, sunscreen, etc...I didn't think having a bald head would be such high maintenance. lol.

I miss my hair. period. Cancer Sucks!

--B

Finally coming out of the fog...

2007-08-24T22:01:00.000-05:00

Wow, so this last treatment really did a number on me. I think the first time around I was preoccupied with my collapsed lung, and now that it was all better there was only the chemo to think about. I did alright in the hospital. We started late Monday night, after waiting a few hours just to get a room. Seemed they were booked that night. Got my room and finally got started at 9pm! Ugh, nothing like being up all night hooked up to chemo. Saturday night was interesting. I got my bags as usual and when I went to stand up I couldn't breathe. I had to struggle to ask the nurse what she gave me. Luckily, she stopped the IV and within a matter of minutes I was back to breathing normal again. Apparently, this can happen with the Etoposide chemo I was given. I wish someone would have told me. After that, I made sure to tell the nurse Sunday night to start me off at half the dose because I didn't want a repeat performance. Monday night comes around and I finally get my Velcade at 10pm! So, add on 2 hours to wait and see for any reactions and I am looking at getting discharged at around midnight. Well, I was ready to go home and sleep in my own bed, even if it meant leaving the hospital in the middle of the night. The nurse talked me into staying, after all the room was already paid for. I did make sure all connections were taken off, I was not hooked up and would not not be poked or prodded during the middle of the night. If they promised to leave me alone, I would stay. So, I get to sleep and of course I have to tell a few shift nurses throughout the night "No Vitals!". My sister said I sounded like our mean, old grandmother but I was tired and I earned the right to be left alone, right??? :) It worked out in the end. I was able to get my Neulasta shot that morning rather than going home to come right back to the hospital to get it and we got breakfast out of it. The food isn't that bad.

I was just really tired up until yesterday. I would sleep, wake up and eat or drink and then go back to sleep. Thankfully, my mother-in-law stayed with us all week and she helped out tremendously! The worst day for me was Wednesday, I woke up feeling groggy and had the worst headache....sort of like a really, really, really nasty hangover, now who can't relate to that? ;-P After that, I felt better and more energized with every hour. I had my CBC today and the nurse practioner gave me an A+! I get to even take Olivia and Seth to school on Monday for their first day!! So, everything on that side is going great. Then, I met with the sct department today to get the ball rolling on their end. Ugh, what an overwhelming and scary appt. that was. First, I didn't realize I would need a caretaker to be with me 24/7 for 30 days after the sct. Then, in my sweet blissfully ignorant state I didn't realize I would be getting more chemo. Arrgghh!!! I thought I was so close to be doing with that poison. Nope. The sct is done is two parts. The first part is harvesting your cells, then the second part is the actual transplant of your cells.

Part 1 - Inpatient chemo for 5 days, inject self with shots, go back every day for a week to MDACC to harvest cells and freeze them.

Part 2 - Inpatient high dosage chemo for 5 days, thaw my cells and give them back to me. Stay in the hospital another 2 weeks to recover and then go home.

But, before I can start this process my insurance has to ok it. Seems they have a separate contract with the hospital just for sct's. I got an estimate of charges....OMG....over $200K for the sct process. If I haven't said it before, let me say it again...I LOVE MY COMPANY AND I LOVE MY INSURANCE!! MDACC said United is one of the best ones they deal with, as they tend to pay for the entire process and don't tie up their time over red-tape stuff. My sister will also be getting typed, as will my kids - I think. Even though I'm doing an Auto (my own stem cells), they want to see if my sister or my kids match me 100% should I need it in the future. This testing of my sister and kids is another thing my insurance will cover that some others don't. I LOVE MY INSURANCE!! Can't forget about the dentist either - seems like everyone has to have their hand in the cookie jar, eh? I must get clearance from my dentist before I can proceed, so off to see him and fix some stuff so that I can save my life! :)

So, next weekend is my final treatment of VICE. After that, I should be in remission and I will be having all those wonderful tests done...CT, PET and Bone Marrow (boo!). I'm looking at starting the sct process maybe in a few weeks? I don't really know for sure, yet. I am trying to gather all the people I know who want to help out and be part of my caretaker team aka Team Brandy. Watch out, I may come knocking on your door! :)

As a person who hates asking for help, I have to say I have been sent angels this past week. Between the moms at school, who upon immediately finding out my situation took action and gathered other moms to help, to my dear co-workers and vendors who have been providing dinners for us this week, to the wonderful vendors and customers who have sent me the best cards and balloons to cheer me on - I can't begin to thank you enough. The dinners have been a hit, each and every one. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! It's been such a blessing to know that for a week we don't have to worry about having the energy, time, or ingredients, etc.. to make dinner. You are all angels and I thank God for blessing me with such beautiful friends and family.

Love,
B

Tomorrow is the day - Treatment #2

2007-08-16T22:24:00.001-05:00

For some reason, this week just flew by! Gabriel and I will be at the hospital all day tomorrow, beginning in the morning. I have a chest x-ray that I rescheduled from today due to the crazy weather. (I was not about to drive to the med center for a 5 minute chest x-ray!) Then I have blood work, see the doctor at 1pm and then get admitted and hooked up to my margaritas!! :) I'm hoping it goes as smooth as the last one did. I don't know if I will have access to a computer, so in case I don't I will be back some time next week.

Love,
B

Books...now that I have some time...

2007-08-15T16:47:00.000-05:00

I have been able to catch up on some reading. I mentioned I just finished Lance Armstrong's It's Not About The Bike, as well as a couple of Nicholas Sparks' novels (I love making myself cry!). I created a list of books I wanted to read this summer back in June. I've read so far J.D. Salinger's Franny and Zoey, Sue Miller's The Good Mother and While I Was Gone, Bill Cosby's The Meanest Thing To Say (great book for Olivia and Seth), and Gabriel García Márquez's 100 Years of Solitude. I still have on my list the following:

Jane Austen - Sense and Sensability and Persuasion
Charlotte Bronte - Jane Eyre
Paul Bowles - The Sheltering Sky
Mitch Albom - The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Of course, I also have tons of books on cancer, diet, immune system, etc...but I am in need of some more books to read as I go into my sct in a month or so. I'll be looking at a nice 3 week stay in the hospital and I would like to take some books with me. Anyone have any good recommendations? I like all sorts of books, just list away!! :)

--B

Hair, hair, go away...please come again some other day!

2007-08-14T10:13:00.001-05:00

Ok, so my hair is now officially falling out. Or what is left of it, I should say. A simple pass of the scalp and my palm has these tiny pieces of hair on it. Don't ask about my pillows. As much as I tried to prepare myself for this, I am still sad to see it go. I was surprised and a little glad when it began to grow back. I foolishly thought maybe I wouldn't lose my hair. Even though they are just half inch pieces of what's left of my hair, it's still depressing to see it come out. I was getting used to my peach fuzz. I don't know if I'm ready for complete baldness. It's just a reminder that even though I feel pretty good today, there are chemicals ravaging my body.

Another sign that I am weaker, I'm bruising easier than I ever have been before. A sign that my plateletts are low. I have to really be careful, as I tend to bump into things without thinking. I don't want to have bruises all over me!

3 days to go until treatment #2. I am just so ready to get it over with. I battle daily with keeping up my spirits. It's so easy to just let this take over you, but I refuse to do that. I catch myself starting to ask why me and almost immediately I have to stop myself. I don't want to be that person, go down that road. Most days are easy, but it's days like these when my hair is falling out that it gets hard. I know this has to happen before I can get better, but it still hurts me spiritually. I can't imagine how I'm going to react when I lose my eyebrows and eyelashes. It's not about the hair, but rather the fact that it's a sign of my sickness and lack of control I have over this.

--B

Spontaneity...

2007-08-10T23:11:00.000-05:00

My Aunt Annette called and said she was near Katy on a business trip. Since she was so close to us (she lives in San Antonio), I told her me and the kids would meet up with her to have a late lunch. We don't get to talk much, so it was really good seeing her.

Here we are at The BlackEyed Pea:

--B

My second family...

2007-08-10T22:29:00.001-05:00

I got a delivery today, an unexpected one.

My former employer and colleagues at Brookfield Properties sent this beautiful handmade card to my house. What a nice surprise! I have been blessed to work in an industry that is small enough where everyone knows everyone. I have also been blessed to work for two amazing companies with so much heart. Thank you to everyone at Brookfield and at Crescent, as well as the vendors who have reached out to wish me well. I had planned on getting a big cork board to post all the cards everyone at Crescent has sent me and take a picture of that. Once I do, I promise to post it. I read them all at least once a day, they make me smile and make me realize how lucky I am. Seth said it best. "Mommy, a lot of people sure do care about you." He's absolutely right. Thank you all.

Love,
B

CBC blood work today...

2007-08-10T22:15:00.000-05:00

And my counts are as normal as they can be!! They all came up within the normal range and I feel good. The nurse practioner was really impressed with how the treatment was going. I keep waiting for the rug to be pulled out beneath me, but so far so good. She said treatment number 2 should be the same as the first one, although my hair will be starting to fall out...so no barber visit just yet. :)

I just finished reading Lance Armstrong's It's Not About The Bike, (thanks Deb for the book!) and I am not only in awe at what he overcame, but I am truly inspired. I felt myself nod in agreement towards his reaction to cancer, treatment and remission. It's amazing how no matter what type of cancer you have, the survivors all face the same questions and fears. There's something universal to how we react after treatment is over. For me, that is the hardest part of living with cancer. I seem to be my strongest and most self-assured while undergoing treatment, I know the chemo is ridding the cancer from my body. I know I am cancer free at that moment in time, 100% sure. It's the daily living afterwards that is the hardest. The fear that every cough or cold could mean a relapse, not being monitored by your doctors every week, but now every few months, coming down off the adrenaline rush of being in survival mode throughout treatment. Reading his book only assured me that my feelings are completely normal. I highly recommend it, it's an easy and fast read and you come away with more respect for him not only as a cancer survivor but as an athlete, his ability to win all the Tour de France's he has won after cancer treatment. If he can come back from the brink of death and become an amazing cyclist, I can certainly beat this and live a full life as well.

Love,
B

Messy, messy make-up...

2007-08-10T22:07:00.000-05:00

Need I say more?????

BUSTED!

Nice lipstick on the carpet!

So you think you're sneaky, eh?

I can't wait to bring this out when he's 17!

--B

I'm officially an Aunt!!

2007-08-10T21:52:00.001-05:00

My SIL DeAnna had a baby boy this morning! Jhonen is as adorable as they come, and he was a complete angel during our visit with him and mommy. The kids were so excited to see a new baby, and of course they all wanted to hold him. Not just yet. :) DeeDee did an amazing job delivering him naturally and she and Chris are going to be such good parents.

Here are some pics from the visit:

Gabriel getting ready to hold this adorable baby

Proud Uncle Gabriel and Jhonen

The kids admiring their new cousin

Aunt Jackie holding Jhonen

Welcome to the world baby Jhonen, you are loved!

--B

Some photos from the hospital visit....

2007-08-04T20:12:00.000-05:00

Note to self...When packing for the hospital, don't forget to take all the wires that connect your camera, mp3 player, etc...to your computer! Here are some pics from my first hospital stay during treatment #1:

Dad, me and mom

Adrienne and me

Adrienne and me fooling around with the masks

Gabriel w/his new 'do'...notice the bling bling on the ears??? :)

Lara, my fantabulous co-worker

Me and my "beary" good friends courtesy of one of our customers, Mariner Energy. Loved the cookies, as did the entire family!

Christi and me, she got me the GI Jane head cover!

And of course, we completely forgot to take pictures of my visit with Liz and Alison. I think we were all so busy talking and going through the bags and bags of hats, scarves, gifts, and all sorts of goodies that we didn't think of taking pics. We'll get it for sure next time!

I know the chemo is working. For the first time since April, I am not wheezing and my left lung that was totally collapsed a few weeks ago is now filling up with oxygen and I am able to breathe pain free. After Day 7, I seem to be feeling better and better with each day. My recent CBC was really good too. Of course, the wbcs were like at 3, but that was to be expected. Just don't get sick and I will be fine. lol. Next week is an off week, go in to give blood, get my picc bandage changed and then prepare for the 17th for treatment #2. It is going so much better than I had anticipated. I always prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.

Between the support from my colleagues, friends and family...I am getting through this.

Love,
B

Days 2-7...

2007-08-02T16:30:00.000-05:00

Day 2 - Was the worst so far. I was pretty nauseaus all day, although we did end up walking the floors a bit.

Days 3-4 - Pretty uneventful. I was able to get off the oxygen Monday and went home Monday night. My lung showed signs of oxygen running through it....YAY!!

Days 5-7 - Finally getting some sleep! I was living off of sleeping every 2 hours in the hospital, not a place to catch up on rest that's for sure. Tuesday went back to MDACC to get my Neulasta shot to increase my white blood cell count. I must be one tough broad because I have yet to feel the side effects. The nurse was telling me I could wake up feeling like a truck ran over me....I was not looking forward to that. Nothing...nada...(knocking on wood). Today (Day 7) was the moment of truth. Today was the day my counts were to drop dramatically, I would be feeling the chemo side effects, all that good stuff and basically the reason I was to take all the meds they rxed. Well, woke up and I felt the slightest of queasiness and took my meds....which knocked me out just about all day. I wasn't going to toughen that out. So far, so good. I think my hair is actually growing back quicker than it is falling out. How ironic is that? My next treatment will be 8/17 and I am hoping it goes as well as this one did. My biggest complaint is fatigue and this damn picc line in my arm.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. The cards keep coming in and I am truly touched by your thoughfulness. Of course, the kids absolutely love the musical cards....they carry it with them all over the house. Nothing like a 7 year old singing "I Will Survive" to make you chuckle.

I am hanging in there and it's been bearable! I couldn't ask for more.

Love,
--B

Day 1...

2007-07-27T22:54:00.000-05:00

Ok, I am midway through drug #3, one more bag left to go. I thought I wouldn't be up while I finished treatment, but I am just not able to go to sleep. I even took a sleeping pill and it's not helping. My mind is racing, I am sweating, it's an ice box in here and I want to sleep naked because I am so hot! Gotta love those drugs. So far, so good. Who knew you could take so many drugs on chemo. I had a pepcid, senocot, cough medicine with codeine and a sleeping pill. It appears I don't have to suffer too much going through this. :) I had lots of visitors today. My sister is supposed to bring my connectors tomorrow so I will post the pics. I had an old friend, Christi, come by as well as Liz and Alison. They were so sweet. They brought me at least 15 Crescent baseball hats (thanks to all the properties who donated!) as well as tons of scarves and bandanas. I also got this sweet basket from Bath and Body Works from the office. It has all sorts of cool products in the fresh cucumber scent. I love it, it's not too fruity and it has a real light and clean smell. The body butter cream is a must have! I am in love with that lotion. Another favorite is the mint shine...yummy!

People have been so kind to me, it makes you appreciate the human spirit even more and shows you who you want to be around when you are healthy.

So the treatment will go something like this. I will be doing chemo every other week, in between weeks will be giving blood. It will be 3 treatments and that should put us around a month and a half. At that point, I will have all my tests done again - PET, CT Scan and bone marrow biopsy. If my tests show the cancer to be gone, then we start the auto sct. I'm hoping to be healthy enough to enjoy Christmas this year.

That's all for day 1...pretty uneventful for now.

--B

My new 'do'....

2007-07-27T11:15:00.000-05:00

Mom and I went to the beauty shop yesterday. Can you believe I told the lady to just trim my hair? lol. I got some nice knit hats and a couple of scarves. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. I still have some peach fuzz, that feels weird. I'm sure the chemo will make it smooth in no time at all. I'm waiting to start treatment sometime this afternoon. They are still waiting on my biopsy report. After the beauty shop visit, we wanted to go to the gift shop and do a little retail therapy. Well, my nurse said no-way, jose! Apparently, due to my collapsed lung I am on bed rest with bathroom privileges only...she was nice enough to let me go down to shave my head but would not let me just go about and shop. Oh well, maybe after chemo. I finally got my IV out and it feels so nice to be able to bend my arm! I also got my pic line inserted, this is where they will take blood and also give me my chemo through.

Other than that, nothing else too exciting going on. I miss my babies. I haven't seen them all week and I am afraid to call them. I know I will be crying and I don't want to upset them. I'm hoping to see them Monday night or possibly Tuesday, when I get out of here.

I've been taking pics but forgot my connections to download them. duh! Will post them when I get home.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers!

Love you all,
B

My latest curve...

2007-07-25T22:24:00.000-05:00

After a busy weekend preparing for the hospital stay, I ended up at MD Anderson's ER Monday night. Around lunchtime Monday, I began feeling uncomfortable in my back area. I didn't know if I was sitting at my desk wrong or if I was needing to lay down. When I couldn't sit or walk, I ended up leaving early and went home to rest, hoping that would do the trick. A few hours later, I was still incredibly sore across my back and couldn't take deep breaths without feeling this sharp pain in my chest. My mom insisted I go to the ER and she was right. My sister took me while she stayed with the kids, as Gabriel was still working. After some quick tests, they determined my entire left lung had collapsed. Up until then, I had a partially collapsed lung but I guess the tumor was just not letting enough oxygen flow in there. I was admitted into the hospital and haven't left since. I had my biopsy this morning and will start treatment Friday, for 4 days. I'm living off of pure O2 and morphine, so I can't say I am too miserable. :) Tomorrow, I will have my picc line inserted, this is a 2-4-1 as they get to take blood from it as well as administer my chemo through it. After that it's off to the barbershop to chop off the hair. I'll post pics tomorrow. Should be a fun day.

Gabriel was sweet enough to bring all my stuff, clothes, robe, mp3 player, camera and sis' laptop. I was having withdrawal symptoms after not being connected for 2 days. I can ditch the gown too, thank goodness! :)

--B

Faith, Hope, Love and Courage...

2007-07-20T21:14:00.000-05:00

That basically sums up what I am clinging to throughout this process. I am feeling rather strong today. I've been reading so many success stories of people who are in remission years after having an auto sct. Those are truly inspirational for me and give me the light I need to get through this dark tunnel. My doctor had explained that the success rate of this procedure was 60%, but that was misleading since so many patients in the beginning were given the auto sct too early, there was still evidence of cancer and that's what led to the higher relapse numbers. She said now that they give the auto sct only when you are clear of cancer, that number should actually be a bit higher. Sounds good to me.

--B

Clever Nonsense

My, how time flies....

~S~N~O~W~!~!

Here she is!!

Life is good...

Olivia turns 9 and I get to feel 10 again!

One Year Scans Are CLEAN!!!!!

6 days and 12 hours after Ike - We finally have power!

The calm before the storm...

Daily observations in the day in the life of a Vargas...

The end of summer....

A little piece of heaven...

VBS was a hit this year!

My Own Independence Day Celebration...

We blinked...

My Hero!

Our little arteest...

This week in pictures...

Our corner of the world...

What type of fruit are you????

Cancer Fundraising Goals...

A Very Nice, Long Vacation...

Guess what I got in the mail over the weekend????

Baptism Day!

Six Degrees of Separation...and my 15 minutes of fame!

Monday was my lucky day!

CLEAN CT SCAN!

Happy Easter!

Yee-Haw!! Giddy up....!

Happy Birthday, Seth!

My life in photos...

Happy Birthday, Nicholas!

Some little milestones...

CLEAN SCANS!!!!

Day +89 and I'm officially back at work!!

Happy 3rd Birthday Valerie!!

**UPDATE**

Day +69 and scan time again!

In Memory of Shannon Irby...

Happy New Year!!

Merry Christmas!!

Deb's Visit!

@#$$ Computer Virus!!

Happy Holidays from me and the kids!

NEGATIVE!!!

Scanxiety...

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Finally home!!!!

The gift of cancer...

Day +11....going home soon!

Day +7 and I'm still here...

Day +1...Happy Halloween!

Day 0 - Happy Birthday to Me!

Day -1...and a pleasant surprise!

Day -3...

Day -4...

Day -5...

Day -6...

Day -7 and The squeaky wheel...

So much harder than I thought it would be...

One step closer...

SURPRISE!!

Tickling my heart and other ouches for today...

SCT - Part 2...

Pumpkin Patch!

Part 1 is over!!

Ok, so I'm no collection diva...

Collection Day!!

Dates keep getting pushed back...

I vahnt to suck you're bluuuuddd.....

SCT Part 1 - continued....

God not only listens...

Back home and second winds...

SCT Part 1 - Here's the plan...

It's not about me...and why I can't have flowers...

We are good to go!

Just my luck...

Better late than never...

Life as usual...

Me = 2 Cancer = Big Fat 0

UPDATE